H [12/22/2005]-[5:49 AM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Rent - Seasons Of Love]
FACT: I lost my dad's camera with all of the pictures of all of the relatives we visited in china today...AFTER-THE-FACT: there is no excuse...BUT in my defense, i had lost it partially because i thought my dad had left his backpack after paying for lunch...so i hastily grabbed my pack and his and ran out to catch up...then again i left the camera sitting on a chair...okay anyways...none of that should have made any sense...the point is...by the time i found out that i had left the camera...we had left he mountain ( oh yea we're in Li Jiang of the Yunnan Province of China for those who arent up to date with my day to day whereabouts )...anyhoo the real point is that we drove back to the restaurant on the mountain...and then went through the regular questioning of the employees because it had only been an hr since we ate there...of course that was totally pointless...we tried to scare them into confessing by threatening to involve the police. unfotunately our empty threat turned real when our driver who wasnt in on our ploy decided to call the police and showed up they did...(first time i called the cops...well second time if you count the time when i accidently called the cops using our speed dial...genius dad put 911 on speed dial #1). they proceeded to grill the poor girl who had cleaned up our table even though it was pretty obvious that she was innocent...(of course if im wrong then she's a damned good actor)...i dont kno, i caused a huge fiasco...actually im not sure why im writing this...basically. I am sad. i made a girl cry who looks younger than me but is probably a lot older...(looks a lot like grace )...oh yea and the police officer even searched her room...it was very very run down...i dont kno the whole feeling was just messed up...the idea that they would take the word of an outsider just because im a tourist...i mean basically if you came to china...u could make just about any claim and they have to take you seriously...i dont kno the other employees were talking crap in another dialect the whole time too...i dont kno what im trying to get at...comments? should we have called in the authorities? please note that it pretty much could have been anyone and it was totally my fault that i left the camera in the first place. and such poverty here...its ridiculous...there's two girls sharing a bed thats smaller than my twin bed back home...the room is a shack...its not even a room...they share an 'enclosure' for like 8 people...everyone needs to see this...its not exactly life changing but...chasing after the latest trends no longer seems as relevant...im a victim of my upbringing right?...so i cant exactly give up worldly pleasures and walk the earth...right? of course not...lol im too rooted in capitalism...and it should also be noted that no matter how poor people are here with exception some tibetian monks (which are a dime a dozen here...) wanna get rich...its just too chinese lol...stereotypes own...oh man yea...basically what im trying to say...is that if you ever thought i was a jerk...i never reallie felt it ...but today i feel like a big fucking jerk...okay that is all...carry on ya'll.

H [5/30/2005]-[3:40 AM PST]-[Monday] H
[Death Cab For Cutie - Information Travels]
hey im starting this discussion not as a way to flame or polarize people but because i genuinely want to help people. its 4 in the morning and i just have had a most refreshing discussion on the issue of the general fiscal direction that this country and other countries should take to secure the most optimal future with my good friends henry and ho...i am being the leftist socialistic commie, and them being the conservatively and irrevocably pragmatic. so we start the night off with the usual group hanging around having a relatively impromptu gathering of sorts involving dave's amazing skill with the grill and generally competence in the realm of culinary delights (namely the henesee ice cream banana/tangerine thing)...we get some more of that cranium game in (which SORELY needs an expansion pack because i swear to god people are starting to remember the answers...at least i am :-P)...as the night boils away, bui heads on home, john and michelle go their seperate ways leaving those aforementioned right wing foos to bash me for the remainder of sunday night which carries forth to the grey area that roughly delineates and differentiates between the end of one evening and the beginning of the next day. anyhow we though we find mostly common ground amongst social issues unlike similar confrontations between the idealistic hero (me!) and christian aficionados and the like, but when it comes to economical issues we are quite different on a fundamental. granted it was late and all but ho came up with the best analogy to sum up our debate and rebuttal. essentially, imagine the noah's ark scenario. It is obviously not a good situation to be in but if ho or henry were noah, he'd build a boat and save as many animals as he can, but he would refuse lifelines to the remaining animals that he believes cannot be saved on account that there is a possibility that their combined weight would drag down the ship. I on the other hand would choose to throw out lifelines at the risk of bringing down the boat. throughout the course of the night I was called a communist and a marxist etc etc...and i dont blame them. it was a relatively civil discourse and to be honest i am socialistic and borderline communist. unlike henry and ho and the fiscally conservative community, i believe in some fundamental tenets which essentially is equality of outcome based on effort not initial starting position. It pisses me off that paris hilton can make money off of being rich and essentially exert no effort. Prince williams...god dont get me started...just another playboy with a dash of royalty. the point that i am trying to get across is that i believe that a poverty lines exists and there are certain people who live below this line which defines a person that has just enough to get by ie fulfilling the necessity requirement but having virtually no luxury in their life...basically all grits no chicken or waffles (which aint all bad :-))...but yea...there are people who cannot rise above their condition. Ho and Henry have this belief that most people can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and achieve anything. They kept bringing up the FOB with 10 bucks in his pocket scenario making it to location x with y amount of money and z amount of biatches (okay maybe not so much z but you get the picture). sure i mean it is possible but like i said there are certain people who will never make it because they will only have just enough to get by. so basically its a question of fairness. first off lemme define some terms that had us confused. I define richness as in relative wealth of a person with a higher income compared to the relative wealth of a person with lower income and ho considers the terms rich and poor to coincide with whether or not a persons income exeeds their spendings which are composed of necessity and luxury. anyhow from what i got out of our conversation, it is cool for a relatively rich person to buy a ferrari instantaneously while a relatively poor person has to make the decision to buy one and waits 50 years. I dont believe that the richer guy is necessarily more deserving at least in my scope of the world. to ho and henry time seems to not be a factor. they believe that as long as the end luxury is the same then the same ends have been achieved. ho even admits that in his chart that he learned from basic accounting classes, does not take into account time. In essence i believe that his system perpetuates economical disparities that will eventually cause great discontent. I kno i kno, ive heard that if basic needs are met then the discontent will be minor. so what he's proposing could be a lesser even and promote social order granted if resources expand due to technology. but another problem with his plan is looking at a pie. under a fiscally conservative system, the pie would get proportionally smaller for relatively poorer people unless resources continue to expand (ie technology yields renewable resources such that world hunger is solves etc etc). so of course here lies the point of contention between our two parties...what if?!?...the rate that resources expand is less than the rate with which the pie shrinks relatively. i honestly dont kno for sure, but if i had a small pie i would definitley not be too happy cuz there is nothing i could do about it. ho claims that the allegorical pie would be so big that it would be irrelevant but to me that is most definitley not the case because there would always be some sort of constraints in resources otherwise there would not be scarcity and this whole argument over fundamental economics issues. my dad once told me that the reason why the rich SHOULD be taxed more is because they got rich by stepping over someone else as in they benefited through an established system which is powered by all who operate within this system. It is hard for me to believe that one persons "decision" to purchase a real estate has all of the sway over whether or not that piece of real estate grows in value or not. the impact of society is not a quantifiable number perhaps in the sense that the influence merely exists but cannot be fully determined in a generalized way. I believe that tax brackets are the way to go...and i am not talking about purely income taxes...i believe that there should be a gradiated tax on all assets...in order to fulfill a certain obligation to society. sort of a mandatory giving back to the society which helped contribute to one's success. i believe its a reasonable justification, and of course i dont have the exact numbers to back this shit up but its all based on certain principles that i hold. ultimately, this argument is a game of numbers, the number of people that a fiscal policy can envelope and protect from the harsh results of scarcity... ho believes in a solution that revolves around invididual accountability (eliminate social security, lower taxes, reduce inflation by encouraging spending etc etc) which calls for an abandonment of the group of people below the poverty line that cannot achieve self sustaining existence as a casualty of war for the betterment of society, but i believe that there should be more government intervention because sometimes it is just outside the reach of an individual to change his or her situation. there has to be a gentle push in a form of a well controlled welfare system which supplants the support of the necessity department while urging for the ultimate goal of a more economically balanced society with some richer and poorer within reasonable bounds to be determined. I am not an economist or politcally incensed but i am a fledgling humanist...and though my ark may sink from the dead weight of the stragglers, and call me an idealist, whatever, but I have yet to become a willing accomplice to a mass murder of a generation of the disenfranchised.

H [4/27/2005]-[1:13 AM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Death Cab For Cutie - Title and Registration]
my friend nina sent me this...lol thought id share...though i think i was too young for some of it...alls i gotta say is OREGON TRAIL BABY!.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE".....
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and can do the Carlton.
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and thought they were stylish & sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey- dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Wooooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.. .and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House )
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are but what am I ?
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were in-line skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down with pegged pants
46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool..and don't even flinch when people refer to them as " NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on Saved by the Bell" the ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts..
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin 'bout Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you?!?!


H [2/10/2005]-[11:34 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Mario - Let Me Love You]
hey hey...i havent blogged in the longest time cuz quite frankly i have not much to rant about. im so not politically charged anymore (ever?) and i have everything to be thankful for haha i kno...sounds so unreal but yea its pretty much true. I have my health, a beautiful girl, friend n family. Im pretty much in good shape. but yea...the reason for my impromptu blog session is a loooooooooong story. longer than ive been alive at least. i dont kno, im worried about the whole idea of marriage what entails a successful one at that. in particular, of course im worried about my parents' marriage.

H [11/4/2004]-[2:07 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[The Shins - Caring Is Creepy]
"Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel 'under the weather'. You are looking for a means by which you can escape from all the pressures of everyday life. But you must remember that the 'Past does not equal 'Tomorrow'. You are seeking a way to escape from all the trials and tribulations that oppress you at this time, but at least you haven't given up - if one pattern of behavior doesn't seem to work then you'll change it for another.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions are really beyond your capabilities. This has resulted in experiencing considerable anxiety and stress. You are looking for confirmation from your nearest and dearest that you have the ability and strength to fulfill all of your needs and to be completely self-sufficient. When matters don't go right for you - you tend to become inhibited and blame others for your inadequacy. You feel that there must be a way out from all the trials and tribulations that you have been experiencing of late and you are right - there is a solution - so don't give in, keep searching."

-Colorgenics Test Results

Eerily accurate...at least 95% accurate for me. I havent done these tests in a while and its interesting how the results are still as accurate as ever...

H [10/01/2004]-[9:42 AM PST]-[Friday] H
[Lil Flip Ft. Lea - Sunshine]
There is no meaning to life...that's the conclusion of yet another far fetched dream that my crazy mind has conjured up due to my recent insomnia. In this epic quest, its an Indian Jonesque story meets the self actualizing and introspective analysis of Siddhartha (that book by Herman Hesse...high school reading). Basically the premise of this dream is a search for an "ultimate weapon" similar to the plotline in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where the Nazi's were seeking the Grail because they believed that it was a bio weapon. Through a series of adventures in the aisles of Wal-Mart which had a stroke of dramatic relevance due to the inclusion of demonic effigies and shamanistic rituals all conveniently located on a nondescript aisle. There were various clues laid out throughout random locations in a Da Vinci Code fashion. Eventually when the pieces of the puzzle comes together, the seeker should realize that there is no meaning to life beyond the hedonistic lifestyles that seem to make sense already but fail in the test of whether or not it yields a "greater meaning." In my dream, the first person who solved this puzzle disappeared mysteriously. BTW, fittingly, Su Hong was the conniving villain in this story (not that he's like that in real life, just that he looks the part :-P). oh yea he was dressed like a Nazi which makes even more sense because he's such a Germanophile and frequently jokes that he wants to reinstitute a Nazi/fascist regime in the states. eventually the introspective chapter of this dream occured when a would be assasin hired by Su in order to kill me (because I had solved the puzzle). I convinced him to at least listen to my solution before he killed me and so began a lotus petal cross legged mock meditation in which i detailed to him my discoveries. Alright im starting to not remember the details of my dreams but there was this one part of the dream which was particularly interesting was that one of the key parts of the puzzle was a candle that was made i the shape of Jesus's head. Solved some clue er something. Anyhow yea...just another crazy dream...or is it? i dont kno anymore...i wanna read up more on dreams cuz i sure the hell get the crazier ones of the bunch.

H [9/14/2004]-[1:07 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated]
dood...i just had the wackiest dream of all time (that i can remember rite now anyhoo). I think ive realized that the more uncomfortable i am when i am sleeping, the crazier my dreams get and the more vivid they are (i woke up this morning all hot and definitley bothered sleeping on my left arm). in case youve never read about my dreams, i only document the ones that are just so damned outrageous i feel obligated to write keep a record of it. first off this dream is pretty offensive to christians so if ur easily offended, just stop reading rite here. basically, the premise is that I am Jesus. lol...yea and that's just the beginninng. anyone read the Da Vinci Code? heard of mary magdalene? yea well Julia Wai (she went to my high school) was her. the funny thing was that i havent seen her in ages and ive never thought of her romantically, EVER. so anyway, the setting was predictably ridiculous. this part of the dream begins as the end of another one breaks off and all i can remember of the other dream was a murder investigation and a scooby doo like crew that aids the stereotypically incompetent law enforcement in solving the case. wait now i remember something about how the bad guy manages to beat down a cop (who's not just a generic cop, but someone who had weight in the story) while handcuffed and steal his uniform and badge. but anyhoo...back to the main dream cuz the only relevance of the other dream was that i think its the reason why this dream is set in the forest (Huang Shan if im not mistaken...i just got back from china a few days ago). it was the eve of the "crucification," last supper and such but it was more or less modern day. (btw ive never finished watching the Passion of the Christ, instead i "watched" it by skipping from scene to scene). so anyway it starts off with me and julia (ie mary magdalene, cuddling on this giant rock which is conveniently shaped like a bed), scandalous i kno...but hey in my dream we were in love! the atmosphere was filled with impending gloom and dread...ack...cuz ya kno i was gunna die very soon and for some reason i had this notion that id be killed after 49 agonizing days. then almost as a comedic interjection to lighten the mood, tour buses full of fantastical creatures come out of nowhere in a Mythological "Gathering" fashion. gnomes first, then dwarfs and finally elves. its like the three wise men, only they missed my birth... then Paul (whos supposed to be one of the head apostle...yea yea...i dont kno the bible that well im not sure who the head apostle's name was) came up to me and chastised me for my scandalous behavior (this is more of a nod to traditional Christian views on the role of Mary Magdalene as a prostitute as opposed to jesus's wife). Then i reverted back to my personality and i went off ranting about how i was gunna die in a coupla hours in order to save humanity and Paul bugs me about some bullshit moral technicality?! man it was a passionate speech, i was in tears when i delivered it...lolz...alright so moving forward as my dreams do, instead of linearity, i skip frames similar to the way i watched "Passion." it's like little glimpses at clips from a complete dream, but the details that make the dream coherent are assumed instead of being played out. alright so as if the first part of the dream wasnt offensive, this second part is just as bad. my "crucification" involves running up and down these stairs to death! (lolz figures death by running would be my crucification scenario) in a Chuck E. Cheese environment where everything is brightly lit and cushy. my roman captors had poured lava which runs through channels that apparently heat up the stairs making this far more torturous than the balloons suggest. of course in the tradition of the bible, 2 other poor souls are forced to run along with me. yea and that's when the dream reallie turned into a nightmare cuz i just kept running and running for what seemed like ages before i finally gave up and fell asleep in my own dream. that's when i woke up in real life thank god :-). so what i learned from this dream...i suck at being jesus and i shouldnt be so critical of the man cuz it took some chutzpah (hebrew term indicting balls of steel!) to do what he supposedly did. yea in case ur wondering what the point of this entry was, its just that i woke up this morning real confused and now im hoping someone who reads this could make some sense out of it, cuz im just baffled beyond belief...i need some positive reassurances that im still sane...AHHH!

H [7/04/2004]-[2:32 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Incubus - Echo]
occasionally (okay mebbe not even occasionally, once a year?) i would read other people's blogs... which would be sad because that means that noone reallie reads what i have to say... then again i have nothing that's particularly insightful/useful in my entries. This usually holds true for most xangas that I read. they are mostly logs which prove to be ultimately boring or utterly useless (unless you happen to be a stalker or have are attracted to that person which is one and the same for many a people that i kno). on this occasion which only occasionally occurs, i came across an entry that was intriguing and unsettling at the same time. I found it through a "blog ring" yea yea...i actually clicked it. It was a dedication written by an UCSD alum who is now a medic working in iraq. i cant remember details...(hell i cant even remember the names of people i meet 5 min ago) but it was about how her first love died in the battlefields in iraq. Tho they were no longer a couple...love is indeed eternal. I share that same view. It doesnt go away. If you truly love once u love forever. There is no "loved" it just doesnt fit the concept because love inherently transcends time and space. leads me to wonder if i reallie love linda because i obviously failed the test of a long distance relationship. but more importantly this entry made me think more along the lines of human fragility. The marine who passed was only 2 yrs older than me. i have friends that age. It's just a scary thought that death is just around the corner. I kno its a morbid line of thinking and perhaps i shouldnt be thinking so much...but being me...i just cant help it. Recently, (and actually for as long as i can remember) society in the form of my parents, teachers, sister, and yea even angela have been pushing me to "grow up" into a vaguely unrecognizable form which would result in my rebirth as a responsible human being. basically it means no fun and all work. perhaps i am exaggerating but i totally understand their view on life and unfortunately i believe that i will adopt that view soon. im still stuck in this phase in life because i cant grasp the idea that frontloading all of a person's education and growth to a measly 20 some odd years just to promote and wishfully guarantee a "successful" (dont wanna get into this...success...is another vague term...monetary success? familial success?? success in the great beyond?? mmm...) future. they ask me when are you going to grow up? how are you going to support a family? when are you going to take your studies seriously? why arent you getting straight a's when it is well within reach? good questions, but lemme impose one of my own. What if die tomorrow? mmm... its not so much of a what-if if you think of it...in light of some recent events...murder of my cousin, passing of my friend's mother, my grandpa's passing, visiting the vietnam memorial last week...etc, etc. Living life to the fullest? eh? yea its trite and yea i kno its hardly a mantra that is set in stone but it seems to be working for me. I am happy. it's what is ultimately important, since i seemed to have put religion on the back burner (still a lingering effect in my decision making process as apparent by my own morality). whats the point of working every moment to secure a future when no set future is certain. If you claim to kno ur future, then you are a chump tho you are in good company. live in the moment and carpe diem one day at a time :-). anyhoo reading that entry it led me to think...renews my faith in the importance of online journals (no matter how "pop" it has become)...every author small-time xanga-ers or authors of epics have a desire to not necessarily profoundly change a person but at least cause a small break from the norm for any given individual and incite some degree of change through even a split second of thought. I guess this can lead to some sort of strange satisfaction but it exists nonetheless. even xanga-ers who choose to document their daily go-arounds can exact change by providing a history of their lives. for those who believe that history is irrelevant that would imply that the past has truly past and we are not a product of that past. without acknowledging history, mistakes will be repeated and progress will be stunted or even reduced to nothing. Nobody wants to write and be irrelevant, it's just not human nature to do something for nothing (just like how u cant get something for nothing).

H [6/04/2004]-[3:42 PM PST]-[Friday] H
[Usher - Burn]
I am a racist. Though I have not exactly suffered the blunt of racial discrimination, I have always had a tendency to make racial jokes. DOC has increased this aptitude with more firepower than ever before. I cannot remember a time when race has not been an issue to me in every day life. It has gotten to the point where it seems to be a bit perverse. My roommate is a white male who aspires to be Jewish. In order to annoy him I would make many Jewish jokes. At certain points I would almost believe what I say. It is interesting that even though I know what I say are exaggerated, the more I merely state these stretches of certain truths, the more I start to become the person of my greatest disdain, an absolute bigot. I have never claimed to be not racist. I don’t believe it is possible to be completely free of racial prejudice. The societal factors are overbearing at times and I genuinely believe that they play a tremendous role in shaping the way we are. The reason I am writing this entry in the first place is because my roommate asked why I make so many racial jokes. I guess in some ways I do feel oppressed. From a sexual perspective, there are just too many sell out Asian bitches out there that choose to date only white men. There are too many reasons behind that and I have written pieces on that subject before, but it is sufficed to say that it bugs me a lot. I forget which DOC class this was in but there was a piece equating the Asian man as a non sexual human being. Perhaps I am just oversensitive to racial issues but I believe that it holds true. White girls rarely give Asian guys a second glance. It seems as if they just perceive us as penis-less eunuchs. There is just so much shit out there regarding the misconceived notions of Asians. Granted I have never been enslaved literally, I believe that I have experienced mental enslavement to some degree as everyone who ain’t white has no doubt endured. As for the source of my sensitivity to racial issues, I give most of the credit to my dad…he is just one racist SOB. Not against blacks or anything. He claims to be “racist against racists” when I confront him about his very apparent racism. I come from a predominantly white high school. Throughout my adolescence I have always been torn. I have been torn between being American, i.e. white (though I am not sure if those should equate…still under my scrutiny) and retaining my Asianess. Indeed I have not written anything regarding this subject because it has been written about too many times. Apparently, I am not the only one who faces this confusion regarding racial identity. I have always listened to “everything” music-wise with the exception of country and Asian music. It is interesting because when I consider it, I think to me they are two extremes in the musical spectrum. I am afraid that the point when I listen to either of those types of music there will be no turning back at that point. I say that I am completely content with my current dual identity but in all honesty, I don’t know if that is true at times. This relates to my dating habits as well. I hate the Asians that act black and the Asians that act white and Asians that just act Asian (at least in the US). Man, obviously I got some serious issues with identity and such. It seems that I am most attracted to Asian girls that identifies with the same type of things as me. Sounds obvious, but I am not exactly sure what I identify with. FOB girls just don’t attract me as much because there seems to be a divide between us as far as everything including pop culture which is very important to me (my friends and I make many references to pop culture in a humorous manner that seems to mock the ridiculous nature of pop culture though it does not always come off as being that way). Funny how I wrote a bunch of BS yet none of it seems to be the sole contributing factor to my identity. I guess I am the sum of all of my influences, obviously. I forgot to mention the expectations from white people regarding Asians. Yes I know people have written about this as well in the past but I can’t help but mention it. This seemingly positive reinforcement doesn’t matter as much coming from people of other races. To me when these “positive reinforcements” get out of hand is when people of my own race expect them. It sets unrealistic expectations. My dad is a huge example of that. He always says that Asians can’t be dumb; it’s not in their genes. My dad would definitely make a good case subject. His beliefs are so grounded that whatever he says, it just seems to be fact. I am afraid that one day I will become him in this sense at least because I will have made so many racial statements that I will come to believe in every single one of them. It is also noted that he blames a lot of things on America. Sometimes he says that he regrets coming to the states, but I know for a fact that is not true. There are many drawbacks here, including racial conflict such as the LA riots (some of my coworkers last summer had a hand in the riots as active particiapants), but quite honestly this is still a good place to be. Oh yea, I forgot to mention that comedy has been reduced to gay and racial jokes with sides of slapstick humor. It’s a sad state of affairs but I guess it is expected. I mean don’t get me wrong, I enjoy this type of humor (which I guess helps explain my condition). Recently I went to the Dave Chapelle standup routine at RIMAC. I realized halfway through the show that every joke is either homophobic or xenophobic. I watched some of comedy central the other day as well as the late night shows. A great deal of those jokes are of those natures. As I have mentioned before DOC has just reinforced what I have come to believe. For better or for worse, I have learned little from DOC and I had expected to be “shocked and awed” by the touchy issues that DOC was supposed to have touched upon. I don’t think that I am disappointed but I am not exactly sure. Anyways, I don’t know if I should be concerned or anything about the way I am. Perhaps this is just how things “should be.” But who knows…I still have a lot of doubts about everything. Maybe I am in the wrong but it seems that I can’t help it. It is just the way I turned out. A victim of the American way of life? Too much thinking? Perhaps.

H [5/04/2004]-[1:16 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Michael Jackson - Heaven Can Wait]
man i had a weird dream last night. I was at this old looking chinese shop and this old dude was making me a jade necklace. ya kno the type that hangs from a red string on fobs. it was just too damned vivid which isnt too strange because most of my dreams are relatively vivid, but what was really strange after i thought about it was that the inscriptions on the jade pendant were written in chinese characters that i have never seen before. If you know chinese, you should know that there are different ways to write the same word dude to different artistic interpretations. it is still legible but the way it was written, i had never seen before or so i think. notes: the character, horse, was carved on one side of the pendant but nothing else was carved besides my name vertically down the front. he also said that the material the pendant was made from was cheap and no purely jade. The shop looked like the TS Emporiums back home but it was dimly lit and meant to be scary but i felt as if i were at home or comfortable. Strange...yea im a weirdo...(this is coming from a guy who has 5 dreams during one class from falling asleep waking up and falling asleep again). Sometimes those dreams seem to come together and mix with reality such as when the class itself becomes a part of the dream and then i wake up...damn! I need to sleep more than 4 hrs. that's one of the big reasons why my grades are f*ed...(bad time management, VERY bad time management). anyhoo...i hope im not the only one that has psycho dreams...am i??

H [4/14/2004]-[8:56 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Powerman 5000 - Free]
xflubb: hey wanna eat with a fellowship at cv?
Q u o c H u y 7: bah
Q u o c H u y 7: wth
Q u o c H u y 7: who's fellowship

xflubb: hey wanna eat with a fellowship at cv?
my names howard: err
my names howard: like chrisitian fellowship?
my names howard: with kevin n em?

xflubb: hey wanna eat with a fellowship at cv?
HenryAzn133: fellowship?
HenryAzn133: as in with chrsitains?

haha this was after my apartmentmate kevin asked me to goto a christian dinner/gathering thing at cv. I asked my hs friends to go and that was the ensuing responses... haha no im not christian... yet... actually not reallie even close... just looking but as you can see my friends are like me... as unchristian as i want them to be :-). btw friggin basketball might cost me a spot on collegiate nationals frick...! ill stick to the "safe" sports... but if your howard... no sport is safe... funnie how howard and henry get hurt a lot but nothing too serious...i get hurt once and i get fucked... :-(

H [2/22/2004]-[2:02 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At The Beginning With You]
mae9 is tough beans...my program wont compile...someone help me out! (preferably if ur hot...:-P)...

#include <stdio.h> main() { private int numSayings; private Girl currentGalPal; public String[] worthlessSayings; public victor(){ super(); myLocation = Location(UCSD); worthlessSayings = new String[100]; numSayings = 0; currentGalPal = null; } public void think (Environment env) { if (currentGalPal == null) victorWhine(); else if (currentGalPal.hookUpPercentage < env.nearestGirl(myLocation).hookUpPercentage)) currentGalPal = env.nearestGirl(myLocation); else victorFriendship(); } private void victorWhine() { writeNewWorthlessSaying(); for (int i = 0; i < numSayings; i++){ System.out.println(worthlessSayings[i]); } System.out.println("*sigh*"); depression += 10; if (currentGalPal == null) currentGalPal = env.nearestGirl(myLocation); } private void victorFriendship() { if (currentGalPal.hookUpPercentage >= 100){ depression = 0; currentGalPal.hookUpWith(); } else { friendshipDefinition += 10; friendshipLevel = friendshipDefinition; if (currentGalPal.rejection() == true) victorWhine(); } } public void writeNewWorthlessSaying(Environment env){ numSayings++; worthlessSayings[numSayings] = env.popCulture.sappyQuoteGenerator(); } }

H [1/31/2004]-[10:13 PM PST]-[Saturday] H
[Chingy - One Call Away]
white men get asian girls. time after time...same shit same story. dont get me wrong im not as against interacial marriages as i used to be (having a pretty koo white roomate and college in general helped open me up much as far as racial issues are concerned) but i reallie have some problems with those asian chicks that see only a sea of white faces (no yellow...heavens no...). It bothers me a great deal. a few weeks ago i had a conversation with anh pham...i dont kno if u guys remember him...here's a refresher...he went to our cerro villa middle school... moved to new york for high school cuz his dad went to med school (crazy shiet)... well he's at stanford now but he visited the OC (dont get me started on how the show is nothing at all like orange county...in fact it was shot outside of orange from what ive heard)...anyhoo he went to a white school (jewish majority actually). it turns out that he's a precious commodity out there. crazy cultural shock especially with what im used to...i mean "oh dang" what the hell are white girls doing going after my fellow yellow. it's just nearly unheard of. over here...asians males are still the minority but they are more or less disregarded in the dating scene ... strangely this is not the case at his hs. im still fresh out of a high school full of elitist fuckers which is basically the rich, white, republicans. Anh said that dating a white chick (aka conquering the great racial divide) is very important to him cuz it's nearly a status symbol... making it out in white america and such. the attraction of asian girls to white males is not very simple. pop culture = whiteness. there's no doubt about it. the abercrombie and other typical white models of white beauty have become the standard in the determination of what is hot and not. sadly...asians are underrepresented. I kno that DOC (my liberal propaganda GE class) is definitley very far on the left...but i cant help but consider some of its concepts. u kno that im a grain of truther... i strongly believe that nothing is said or written without some purpose or truth. there's truth in jokes...everything reallie. lots of stuff in doc focuses on race (other stuff on sexuality...but that's retarded...there's nothing to debate its a personal matter). Stuff like how the white government has systematically suppressed minorities whether consciously or unconsciously resonates deeply with my own deeply felt conviction on race itself from my own past observations. I dont kno. I dont claim to kno everything...im still thinking things through (i guess its my unofficial hobby). i cant take things at face value. i analyze everything...its in my spirit. anyhow...back to the trophy white girlfriend... it's not that im not attracted to white girls... white thighs and titties are hot things... i mean im not totally ambivalent to them... but everytime im attracted to a white girl... i get smacked in the head by my own form of reality checker. basically it tells me white girls dont go for asian guys. Dont think it's all a issue of self confidence...im not dreaming this shit up out of nowhere... su told me the other day that its hard for him to get white chicks in his white frat cuz basically he's a asian. and its very true. i guess what im trying to say is that asian guys just get shafted time after time. I mean asian girls have it easier (relates back to DOC again... some article about how asian chicks become anchorwomen and asian men dont because white men and asian girls are considered a desirable combination) white guys are attracted to the stereotypical viet chick who wants every GI back in nam... submissive... exotic... etc... list goes on for the white male attraction to asian females. basically making the gene pool hop for asian females is definitley the smart thing to do... or is it. hey hey... kristin kreuk is hella fine. but there's a reason for all of the races. at any rate i dont hate hapas... for god's sake no... :-P i cannot envision a white guy that's not at some point racist or intolerant... okay okay...ill extend this... i cant imagine ANYONE who is not racist. im definitley a racist. (could be one of those things where if i look at porn then i think everyone else is doing it too typa thing *shrugs*) but at any rate assuming that it is true... there will always be racial conflicts if not short of total racial war (crusades...recently la riots...)...basically what im trying to say is that everyone is guilty of some degree of racism. So interacial couples will never truly reach a martial consensus culturally unless u change ur skin color which apparently is possible (yeap michael j). the closest form of a successful interacial marriage is one where the asian girl is so damned white (inside) that she can pass for a white girl. But there's always that factor of difference that causes tension even at the minutest levels. also from what ive seen the white dude usually plays the dominant person... sadly "yella feva" is more widespread than it is admitted. alright moving on... another reason why i cant date white is cuz i think i can do better with an asian girl disregarding race. so basically there would be little reason to do so. alright im done for now... too damned tired this is what i get for waking up at 6 for that badminton thing at cal tech and then ranting to dave on the drive back to sd. damn i'm racist.

Followup:
every window: i havent seen that many asian girls with white guys
xflubb: haha
xflubb: they exist
xflubb: believe me
every window: yeah but i dont think its a majority
xflubb: pretty big
every window: what asian chick that you want is with a white guy?
xflubb: there's a leak in our gene pool
xflubb: haha a couple
every window: so
every window: beat the guys up
xflubb: yea
xflubb: i think i should
xflubb: thanks jamie
every window: and when their sorry white asses are on the ground
xflubb: ur amazing
every window: then those girls will know whats what
xflubb: i shoulda thought of that before
xflubb: but i guess i was just too busy being bitter
every window: lol
every window: everybody's bitter

yeap sums me up pretty well

H [1/19/2004]-[8:27 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz Featuring Ying - Get Low]
I realized why i stopped bloggin for a coupla months. this can be directly attributed to the declination of my vocabulary and overall lack of ability in the proficiency of the somewhat exciting english language...yep. Basically...my decent but mechanical english skills went to shit. it all stopped around the time when linda and i started having problems. i just didnt wanna reflect anymore. i was down a lot. its january...i made it through the christmas season. Definitley rough times for the lonely. I mean i had a great time and all wit friends and family... but something was amiss. ive been avoiding the rebound and trying my best to maintain my sense of self. going out for a long time wit the same person changed my sense of self. I wont judge whether or not that was for the better or worse because i know not how. honestly, i think its irrelevant cuz there is little reason for me to dwell on that...the fact is, I am who i am today cuz of the collection of experiences that is my life. im grateful for everything. i kno i kno...sounds like im turning christian (just had to throw in "god" in that sentence)...and the truth is I have been going to fellowships, seekers, and other christian stuff for the past few months. im far more receptive to religion for some reason and it should scare me...but im not that scared because I have my convictions and I will always provide a reasonably dissenting opinion in the face of the colossal ideological unifications that form religions. anyhoo... yet again I am writing about nothing, quite frankly, in the greater scheme of things but i enjoy every minute of my expression. btw...BIG FISH was amazing...watch it!

H [1/15/2004]-[9:47 AM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Steven Cravis - Through The Kaleidoscope]
It was a busy quarter. aimed for B's...got mah b's. It's not the drudgery nor the excitement of college life that inspires me to write once again. (I've had both at many times) Things have changed since i last wrote...good and bad... My newfound interest stems from unbelievably compelling desire to document my dreams. I suspect this was the reason for the construction of the blog in the first place...kinda a vessel for dispelling my everyday stresses. for me...dreams are the manifestation of those stresses...be it school...family...or any other catalyst. ive realized that through the years, my dreams have been increasingly complex at times and amazingly simple. of course, at the same time, i realize that most likely everyone has had identical experiences to mine own. still in the spirit of novelty, I write, document, and reconsider MY dreams in an effort to understand myself. It's noted that I usually fail miserably. :-( oh yea and this morning i told my roomate the following dream and he thinks im a psycho (jokingly, but u kno my rule on grains of truth)... so without further ado...here's what transpired in my dark matter... it all started as a family trip. my nuclear family (mom, dad, sis, and grandma...yea she's my nuclear family too :-))...right off the bat, the mood, tone er whatever was not positive but it was not particularly negative either. there's a sense that something's awry but ya just cant put a finger on it. I compared it to my impression of The Secret Garden (movie...dont ask me what version...cuz apparently, according to my roomate there's a couple). It's just a looming gloom but not so much. anyhoo, we walked through a forest on a hike (yellowstone park if im not mistaken). it was strange cuz my white uncle was there too...then again its not so much cuz he's the outdoorsman type anyhoo. NRA, redneck, whatever u wanna call em (but a good decent person tho...mormon...no less...). so there was this lake that we came upon and we decided to have a race...this is where it gets just plain weird. We raced on chopsticks. u ride on them as if u can sit on them with another pair of chopsticks as sort of those skiing pole things (don't ask...it didnt even make sense in the dream so cant possibly make sense in the real world). THE POINT IS...it worked and i was racing a coupla random people (faces blurred so dont reallie kno who). Of course...i won :-) considering i did dream up the game...but on the other side of the lake (kinda like lake placid actually tho i never saw the movie)...on the way back...apparently my mind was sidetracked and the lake turned into a grassy plain. More like a football field grassy actually. so yea but apparently my mode of transportaion (ie...chopsticks on steroids) was amphibious and it tranversed the land with equal ease. sidenote: i won $116 from people who had faces in my dream but i had never seen or remember seeing in my life. to confuse myself more...one of my old friend...brian who miraculously grew beard was riding a sooped up go ped on the water. i guess he's supposed to be some kinda of a representation of jesus? eh...who knows. upon arrival at the starting point, it was dusk...with the murkiness of the skies during the SD fires...oh yea another weird thing (among many) was that in my mind, I was in San Diego...but it was obviously not san diego. ive thought about it when i woke up and i guess in my mind San Diego is just "a place to the south." im not quite sure i understand it myself. oh wells. okay okay...moving on...we drove through the roads with many red cones and stuff on it...seemed like street repair...but ill never kno...there were all sorts of emergency vehicles all over the place. anyhow...we took a detour to enter a supposed freeway, but i ended up driving in circles on a "horsetrack." my dream tells me that was a horsetrack but it was more like a regular "track and field" at a high school (this is what i get for watching Seabiscuit...@!*^$@* stevo...). There were centaurs (all hot chicks of course :-P) and horseriding Maxim chicks too (not asian unfortunately...). Unfortunately, I had to get home still so i asked for directions. One of the horseriding chicks (hottest one of course) she was i think half asian half white, but not completely human...came to give me directions. anyhow...there was a frame skip and i ended up on an on ramp that reminds me of one in fullerton. But there were no cars on it...felt post apocalyptic. anyhow i entered the freeway and there was this strange blonde girl on a swing on the side of the ramp. It was just plain creepy like The Ring girl...but more like elizabeth smart blonde...yeap yeap...and that's when my roomate came back from class and i gladly woke from my not so melodramatic...strangely disturbing dream. i think i should write books someday...when i get my shiet together...these blogs might even act as inspiration for a Victor Liu novel or production...who knows...we'll just have to see.

H [9/30/2003]-[11:59 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[AFI - The Leaving Song]
man i this xanga thing is new haha...still waiting for that sim card...in the mean time...asshole friends like howard and henry leave me out of gigs!...BAH! haha im just kidding...been studying like a good boi should. man...we got an ant infestation "up the ass" and i dont use that term lightly! man this is crazy i got ants in my pants no joke. they other day i took a shower and bam! there those fuckers were... they havent hit my bed yet but as soon as they do im calling the exterminators. la la la...when there's something strange...in the neighborhood...call...the exterminators! na na na...anyhoo...yea im into 80's music again. m. J., madonna, curses to that unolympics thing (the um inter-college competition thingie for the non SD'ers). They had all of these nifty 80's music playing and i just couldnt resist re jammin to those catchy tunes. oh yea anyhoo back to the subject of ants. Ants are interesting creatures. AS MUCH AS i hate those mofos...i still have this seemly unfounded respect for them. Ive seen them risk death by Raid to carry the dead bodies of fallen ants home. sometimes (when im in a very good mood) i spare the ones that are carrying the fallen on their backs. I dont kno. Im not a hater (despite popular belief). Ants are a metaphor for my own life philosophies (stolen from somebody else of course). As long as people dont step in my space than im good to go. Id just like to say here that my apartment-mates are amazingly cool...not to mention clean. I expected to be in a dorm with a bunch of hicks and a prick to boot. but hey what can you say...lady luck has been kind to me for a while :-). anyhoo i got some 9 o clock class tomorrow. check out my site at http://xflubb.deflated.net i got a schedule posted so as soon as i get my sim card...CALL ME! i miss everyone and everything and everything and everyone in between.
Due to popular demand...(haha...)...ill conform and blog wit the flow...friggin high school friends...USELESS!!! oh yea...click on the sour patch for some chillaxin thrillin...

H [8/10/2003]-[2:35 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Beyonce Knowles ft. JayZ - Crazy In Love]
Its been one hectic summer. Ive been working a bits...started as a sorta lesson from my parents on the difficulty of earning the buck, but earning money became addicting!...haha nah...if i werent working, id be waking up at like 3 in the afternoon everyday and basically wasting my summer anyhoo...plus a few extra dineros to pay the boba and pho tabs aint too bad. Its hard work tho... working with all latinos (yea yea...i dont say mexicans...or worse that much no mo...kinda realized we're all alike...they say hola we say ni hao...). I like the people there... my co-workers are all chill. People ask why i am willing to work for 7 $/hr when i could find better jobs...well...ive been on vacation a lot this summer...my boss is reallie chill too. Speaking of which...i went to hawaii!!...good stuff...that was like a month ago and i miss that place already :-(... i cant understand how ho can hate it so much...just beautiful...anyways... i also headed to yellowstone and rushmore...met some nice people...werent too social in the beginning but i managed to get everyone together at the end of the trip... some mafia does wonders to open even the anti-social-iest person :-). Relationship-wise...hmph...almost broke up last night...all my fault of course...im juss irking of college...linda im sorrie :-(. To be honest, I've been thinking a lot about relationships in general. Linda and I...big one of course but my family too and friends. Things change...people change...albeit superficially, but that's still change. I kno I kno, ive always claimed that people do not change at the core... but lately ive been doubting and contemplatin. I dont kno. I reallie dont kno much lately. Im about to head off to meet my friends before we ball at CV (tradition). I still remember those days when i could not run the apple at cerro villa. I remember when i used to get picked on. Not fun times. You kno what? ive been doing a heckluva lotta remembering these days. I see something and memories should surge in and sometimes, i spend time just standing during those moments and take a break. Like i said, im working a lot. Been trying to juggle everything. Linda, Family, Friends, Badminton, everything. It's hectic, but its almost all over soon anyways. College...some looming shadow of uncertainty (I think i read that from somewhere...but these days, everything's bitten off of a famous piece of shiet anyhoo)...yeap college is a big thing. A huge divide. Yep its been written about countless times...and yep people write "its been written about countless times" countless times...man...ive been discouraged by the cold hard truth. To all you english fanatic, to be great, you need to break the boundaries of the set by mundane mass...english has been done over too much...there's lil room to manuever. I don't even kno why im blogging right now because someone out there has expressed the same truths that im trying to convey. Here's the biggest reason why ill never succeed as a writer and hence the cause of my apathy...i write using a complex series of algorithms to seemingly give readers false sense that im actually a good writer when in fact, im just using tried and true methods of writing. Anybody can do it. My sis complains that her english will never be good. I believe if you have a decent mind you can write. Its that simple. the novelty factor...as discussed above is another issue. anyways, nuff bout that. Badminton. goodness...been playing quite a bit. I thought that after the season i would just quit that altogether because it would cease to entertain me. david nguyen is wrong bout that because in reality, sports are not driven purely by the thought of winning. the funness factor is inherent in a passion. When david plays bball he is always emphasizing the win. Its like sex (anything can be related to sex if you look hard enough). David places great emphasis on the climax while im more of the type who enjoys the whole experience. *shrugs*...mebbe im just strange. then again we all knew that. alrighty its 3...time to leave for chris's btw SWAT (saw last night wit everyone...sorta cuz steve chris and bui ditched) wasnt too bad...its a Bad Boys II experience...great action but isnt a movie where u can reallie take something with you. If you gotta choose between the two id take bad boys II purely on the "whoosa" factor...oh yea went to help out at the last Make A Wish car wash. it was very sentimental :-). gunna miss these kids when i head off oh wells!!...nuff thinkin' time to baLL!

H [6/22/2003]-[5:18 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Seal - Kiss From A Rose]
I got in trouble last nite. I stayed too late at shamyla's party and i didnt call my parents. I'm semi grounded. linda's mad at me cuz i was supposed to take her out. :-( spent my day reading up on religious crap. still not sure what to believe, i was leaning towards christianity for a while but im swinging back to atheism. i dont kno... btw Here's some hi-lites:

"Unfortunately, this understanding of God is not without its problems. For one thing, it's a bit circular. The idea that God is absolutely perfect was partly derived from the premise that God is worthy of worship (no one really asked if perhaps God might exist but might not be worth worshipping); but now the idea that God is worthy of worship is based upon the premise that God is absolutely perfect. It's a nice argument, but if either premise is questionable (and they are), then the position collapses."
- http://atheism.about.com/library/FAQs/arg/blarg_god_perfect.htm

"When you read, "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth" (Genesis 1:1), you are reading a description analogous to Flatland. The concept is that, a God, who is in a higher dimension than are we, a God who has the same kind of relationship to us which the sphere had to Flatland, that, this kind of being touched our little "Flatland," so to speak, and in violation of all of our laws of science created matter out of nothing. God is so superior to us, he exists in such a higher dimension than do we that what is natural and ordinary to him is miraculous to us. The Bible recognizes this concept and uses it in every single description of God."
- http://www.doesgodexist.org/Phamplets/Flatland.html

"I began to recognize that hypocrisy was not confined to religion. I had the idea that every hypocrite in the world sat in a pew on Sunday morning, and thus that everybody who was not sitting in a pew was not a hypocrite. I remember the lesson I learned on this. There was a young man who would sit elbow to elbow with me arguing against the religionist from time-to-time. He was in the hospital once with a very serious ailment. I went up to visit him and as I opened the hospital door, I saw him down on his knees praying to God. I stood at the door of that hospital room screaming at him, "You hypocrite--you dirty hypocrite!," until I was escorted out of the hospital. It slowly began to dawn on me that hypocrisy is a function of humanity, not religion. You deal with hypocrites at the grocery store, at the filling station, on the job, at school and at the golf course (maybe more there than anywhere else). You do not quit buying groceries because the grocer says one thing and does another. You do not quit your job because your employers tell you to do something that they themselves would not touch with a ten-foot pole."
- http://www.doesgodexist.org/AboutClayton/PastLife.html

"Either way, the reactions suggest prejudice against women, thus lending credence to the argument that continued references to God as male are simply part of a larger situation in which religion serves to perpetuate stereotypes about and discrimination against women. Arguably, gender-neutral language about God would serve to reduce the prevalence of both stereotypes and discrimination, goals which should be important for religious organizations."
- http://atheism.about.com/library/FAQs/arg/blarg_god_gender.htm



H [6/17/2003]-[5:47 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[White Stripes - Seven Nation Army]
Wow...work sucks. first day of work ever! ive joined the work force! woohoO! packing boxes like the best of em. My mom hooked me up with a job at this Motorcycle Apparel place. work is amazingly tedious... lesson learned!... money is not very easy to make. :-(! DAMN! and all of this time i lived in a pseudo perfecto world where i get free money!... shikes, the real world sucks. BTW the lunch room was nicknamed the prison hall for good reason. im working wit 5 other guys who are all latinos. 2 have been in jail and the 3rd has been in prison. 2 of them are in active gangs and all 5 have tried all drugs and they all drink. yea...quite a "gang" (no pun intended). but despite their backgrounds, they're all nice guys. Pretty chill. It was hard work tho and it was friggin hot in the warehouse. the guy that i worked with in my warehouse was a punk. in the good way i guess. He had his stereo blasting with AFI, Rancid, Pennywise and such. he's pretty koo, isnt in a gang (that's a plus!), suprisingly artistic, trying to turn his life around cuz his gf's going to uci and he's reallie into her. He has aspirations to become a tatoo parlour owner. BTW sealing boxes and lifting them for storage for 7 hrs was no fun...bah! interesting people. One guy who wanted to join the police force has an older brother working there that's in a gang. BTW did i mention that my manager is 50 ish and was in a gang in the 70's...groovy man!... oh yea did i mention he got shot in the legs and ass before... man, i dont kno how my mom works in that company and not kno that all of the workers are like hardcore gunslingers. Funnie shiet... my mom was damned suprised when i told her. Anyhoo. the flexible hours are very nifty. I think imma stick to this a bits if i dont get another job (working on that!...been trying to apply everywhere... but this is not a good summer to apply). $7.50 an hr is eh, but better than sitting on my ass at home or sleeping every chance i get i supposed. PLus lifting boxes make me damned sexy! BTW went to 24 hr fitness for first time wit jp and david on a guest pass. Fun stuff. Saw howie there. No i lied...sucked ass (david almost got sold into buying a family package by an attractive sales representative...a guy no less... wowsers gayness!). Im weak! needa work out! but ill be doing so cost efficiently in the privacy of my own home. Basketball at el camino was funness 9-6 beat this tall team. Worth ditching that ego maniacal gathering of pricks known as 24 hr fitness. fun stuff... registering for classes at UCSD tomorrow so no work !! w0oHOO! call me to do anything~!

H [6/12/2003]-[5:47 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[The Used - Blue And Yellow]
After signing all of those yearbooks...lost interest in writing. Tomorrow is graduation (closure at last). Went through that drill with everyone else dreading every moment of it except those few times when I glanced back at the long procession of my fellow seniors and I felt a tad sad. its not that most of these people will be missed. I might occasionally see them packing my groceries or mowing my lawn, but beyond such trivial social interactions, I will have little to do with them. I was more stricken by the fact that there were still fresh faces after all of these years. In a way, I kinda regret not becoming more involved in the politics of hs. ASB and such. I don't kno, perhaps the people who were involved, like jonathan might regret particiapating due to his repeated losses one after another in those oh so fun elections. Six flags was fun. The rides were no longer scary...you can almost say im jaded...hmm well more so than last year. I was yella last year... Linda was brave! holy crap... first time and came back for more :-). Of course peer pressure played no role...rite? :-) oh wells...its a rite of passage so...yea OH WELLS! The trash bag that looked like some ghost was scarier than all of the rides. I felt my heart skip a beat for the first time i think (on those rides, my heart skips a coupla beats, but with the blood rushing out of my head no time to count :-)). Eugene's car was driving down this off ramp and this trashbag comes outa nowhere and it hit into his window but it looked frightfully scary. anyhoo heading to reyna's lil get to gether (no such thing as parties no more).

H [5/18/2003]-[10:29 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Jock Jams - Boom Boom Boom]
I was pleasantly unsuprised by jon's allusion of the "passive boy who got in a fight." I suppose most people consider me to be passive and not at all aggressive. In reality, I have a supressed aggression. Its hard for people to understand how it was like for me to get bullied back in middle school and the beginnings of high school. I havent gotten in one violent act over these few years. In fact it began back in 7th grade, jonathan (yep the same jon who wrote that uninformed reference about me) pushed me too far with his verbal bs (long since forgiven, but apparently not forgotten). I pushed him in front of Mrs. Califf's math class and he pushed me back and i fell backwards being the weakling that I was. I had no pride, no hair on my legs (object of my ridicule for the better part of middle school besides the obese factor). Moving forward, at the end of 8th grade, during my memorable busing days... this chubby white kid (turned out to be my neighbor), lance and his buddy chris picked on me (later when i walked home for the first time in my life...chris made a u turn on meats in his truck when he saw me and gave me a lift home). I got mad and chucked a coke can and got in a fight at the cv bus stop. 9th grade... during PE, I got angry at this black guy named tony. I jumped over the lockers literally and nearly got in a fight with that 220 lb 6'5" all muscle dood over a dolar he took from me...luckily he turned out to be decently koo (even played him cs a bits at CG...before i quit) and returned my money because I "had balls." Then of course there was the choking-the-mexican-kid-incident in front of the yearbook room by the old wood shop. That group threw grapes at me every lunch for like 3 months in a row. I finally got fed up went up to one of them grabbed him by the neck while he was sitting on the metal bar and lifted him off of the ground. I slammed him into the fence and demanded calmly that they stop all the while he was choking for all of his pathetic worth (sorrie no misjudgment here...juss assholes to the bones, but at least they stopped out of fear). anyhoo and then there's the fight in question here...the one involving that water polo player and the hackey sack. Passive...hah! Its almost laughable. Of course I have a reason why im bloggin all of this shit. I lost CiF individuals yesterday with Brendan. I was as aggressive as I thought I could be but apparently it was not enough. The asshole from Azusa kept talking shit while we played from the spectator seats (dont let me see you again I will hand your ass to you on a platter). But because I supress my anger too much, I reacted to those insults in a habitually detrimental way. I became enraged from within but displayed little emotions. I lost my concentration due to the flurry of violent images that popped up in my head. We lost for a variety of reasons and Brendan was equally at fault with some of his showy shots but my failure to completely contain my anger was the biggest reason for my personal loss. Humans adapt. It is our most important but often neglected characteristic. I have adapted to control my rage by creating these virtual mental defenses against most of those verbal assaults and even some physical ones. Through this tournament it is apparent that these bouts of anger still affect my performance (my closer friends can tell easily when im peeved). im trying to work around it...but ill see. btw ho if ur goal was to piss me off at every turn consider yourself a graduate from the school of "ticking off vic"...ur antic work okay? I juss dont show it to give you the satisfaction of success...cuz quite frankly its juss too fucking easy.

H [5/15/2003]-[10:17 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[Bloodhound Gang - Bad Touch]
I had an epiphany today. Sorta. I fear mediocrity. Yep. Mediocrity. Kinda like a existential hell. It drives me. This fear does it all. It happened during the Physics C test of which i regret taking. Did a lot of thinking when i shoulda been concentrating on physics (gave up). I took these AP classes to gain admission to my dream colleges which will begin my quest to break through this web of mediocrity of which most of my peers will no doubt become entangled in. Yep. Mediocrity. Im training hard in badminton to win CiF and get my name written on some website and a generic metal for my troubles. Fun Stuff. Everyone fears mediocrity to some extent. Otherwise why bother trying at all. Just relax. Chill. All those things ive heardfrom famous people...erm about...leaving footprints in the sands of time or leaving their mark in history... blah blah blah...yea those things... that's what im talking about. Now that i think about it...it might actually be that movie, Dead Poet's Society that's making me think a bits (first time viewer). anyhoo... that was my prob. I had this constant fear of being forgotten. I used to be afraid of being just normal. I sought to be different in many ways. Didnt work. Wasnt me. Recently, I gave up my facades and just kinda been going about life for myself. Just to march to the beat of my own drums type of thing. Turns out im quite a character...or so ive heard. So being different was no longer an act. I kinda realized that i am different. Recently, i was cursed to be branded sensitive by my gf. Which aint a bad thing i suppose... juss didnt sound rite when it came outa her mouth. Kinda down there wit being called a pansy or a wuss. Not my fault, eyes kinda accidently got watered up during Sweet Home Alabama...erm i have allergies!...shoot...erg. Anyhoo, 4 AP tests down 1 more to go. 3 outa 5 aint bad :-)...physics and spanish were lost causes...but then again physics wasnt all it was cracked up to be. If fusco gave me a shred of hope i woulda studied and i believe it wouldnt have been that bad at all. ack. its all over...im taking in college for sure so *shrugs*

H [4/25/2003]-[10:58 PM PST]-[Friday] H
[Trance Generation - Bonk! (Rave Edit)]
I just finished watching Miyazaki's Spirited Away (mike lent me). Um...wow. But wasnt that much of a suprise considering it won the Oscar for best animated feature...it is the quite possibly the BEST animated movie I have ever seen. Disney movies juss dont got nothing on this movie. The story is obviously deeper than what i got out of it. The flying scene was just done so damned well. My grandma was intrigued enough by it all to watch through it all without sleeping (watched it with my sis and grandma). Now that's sayin something. My only gripe is that it seemed too short. He tried to pack too much shiet into 2.5 hrs er so. Juss not enough. Great ideas...felt rushed a tad...reminded me of Atlantis. I kno i kno nobody watched Atlantis, let alone liked it, BUT I DID. I kno it had a terrible ending, but it had a great start and a great idea...juss needed to be built upon. Spirited Away had amazing animation but parts of it juss didnt make too much sense. I watched commentary and it said that unlike US animation companies, Ghibli Studios (Miyazaki's company) developes its movies without planning. They sorta go into the movie and develope it open endedly meaning they didnt kno how it was gunna end while they were already drawing it out. The ending felt shortened a great deal and perhaps its juss the culture gap tugging at my hatin strings...but juss something bout it that doesnt make it perfect. Don't get me wrong...definitley worth the watch. The attention to details was just unbelievable. The musical score fit everything perfectly. The best track was the one at the beginning on the fields when they entered the clearing. Set the mood completely. I can see what michelle's ravin bout. I just dont understand the fat baby...it was erm...very fat. The "greed ghost" er whatever...i mean faceless ghost...something like that was pretty weird too i didnt get that part... and the frog seemed like a main character...but erm...wasnt developed... it had personality. And the main guy's role was juss iffy. The mid flight epiphanies juss seemed totally rushed to hell. TOO FAST!...Aladdin's flight wit jasmine was better done... btw the voicing was very good. Gives dubbing hope :-)...i kno i juss said the D word... bane to all animers (im not one thank god :-)). Good stuff... didnt waste time tonight.

H [4/23/2003]-[5:52 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Dynamite Hack - Boyz N Da Hood]
got my report card today...AHHH!...lolz...wth? i got only 1 C...stressed myself out for nothing:
Photo I = B- (Lolz...i didnt even do one assignment out of like what 2 or 3 assignments? erm...)
AP Gov = A- (Erm...i had all D's on the tests...didnt see this coming...but ill take it)
AP Physics = C (yea saw this coming...had all c- on the tests...)
AP Spanish = B (i finished diarios last min...got lucky here :-))
AP Eng = B (I thought i got an A...but oh wells...)
AP Calc = A (well i knew i had this...got all 5's w00t!)
Badminton = A (given...)
wow...and i thought i was slacking...i must suck at slacking er something shiet...now this juss gives me even more leeway... didnt even bother to goto the physics test thing... juss sooo pointless... Dr. Fusco (lolz??? erm according to jp's mom) cant make up for a year's slacking in teaching in a coupla days...and quite frankly she isnt bothering to even try to get us to pass...
my sis and mom left for open house and while i sat here chatting...i remembered what mooney said...last open house and all...got me all sentimental. shiet...pulled out keys and drove down... regretted it haha... boring stuff down there... but im getting in that SENTIMENTAL mood. its that time of high school... ill be one of the few who might actually miss it. i kno plenty of people that wont miss it much at all... tho it hadnt always been the best place, still feels like i owed it enough to head down there...and almost bid it goodbye. I went to the gym first to look for the badminton recruiting table...i was unpleasantly suprised to find that...erm...there was no badminton recruiting table...smithy was recruiting for girls tennis...kinda disappointed me. i have a bad feeling the team's gunna die next year. oh wells...i guess none of my business...but i juss hate to see it go down...anyhoo hunt had his kid on fri so he ditched open house. kinda boring stuff...showed mom around lynches... went there to see a mom complain to mr lynch about his son receiving a D...i juss kinda laughed on the inside... erm... not lynch's fault that kid's a slacker...hell i didnt even kno who it was...but im tired of people blaming lynch for what they got on their report cards...i.e. ho and howard (ho's protege according to stevo). 13 Days to VDAY!...lolz...im a believer are u?

H [4/22/2003]-[10:33 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Linkin Park - Runaway]
Badminton CiF Individuals is in 8 practice days. This is my last year in HS badminton. Sure im worried. Heck im pretty worried (my sis is more worried than I am). But i disagree wit some more pessimistic players on our team with regards to our chances to winning another CiF championship. We have a strong team, but we need to work on consistency. It is true that throughout this season, we had suffered through lack of a coaching staff and other issues such as lack of freshmen players, but we have gone through this season strong. Though Brendan will be out for CiF most likely, we still have Eric and Eva...the best players in HS that's for sure. What im reallie worried about is the lack of spirit. Bob (our coach) was rite...if we dont think we're gunna win we arent gunna win. It's all about the mentality. Some of the players just lack that competitive drive. ergs...im gunna try to figure out some way to motivate them...but times running short :-(. My right leg is also jacked up might hafta take some painkillers (i got some Ibuprofen Tablets, generic Advil, but im having second thoughts bout taking em). Have to take it easy for a while...erg. AP tests are also looming over the next coupla weeks. I took the prac AP eng test and not sure if i did well. I came in to the small gym late because of the suprising amount of traffic...I mean the traffic was backed up to meats for chrissakes. Im much more confident in my AP Calculus abilities because i retook the Calculator MC section again for fun in class today and got another 5 (improve from 4)... as for AP Physics...im pretty much fucked... but ill see. Spanish aint no picnic either. I got some basics, but I juss dont got the accent. No way to force an accent in a coupla days. BTW sally was an amazing bitch in spanish to elysse (oh yea and me). juss thought id mention that...i cant stand anyone these days :-(...sure she could be annoying, but unneccesary to bitch her out...juss aint too cool...AP Gov review wasnt as bad as Linda said it would be. semi fun. made me realize that i could actually kno some shiet for Gov. Gives me a lil bit more hope. Been slackin big time wit AP studying. juss lack of care almost. senioritis coming in full swing. and tired a lots lately. tired wit everything and everybody. and sometimes juss tired. even tired of being tired :-)...which might actually be a good thing.

H [4/20/2003]-[9:44 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[LL Cool J Ft. Amerie - Paradise]
Happy Easter! :-)...tho i dont celebrate per se...but juss for the sake of conformity...Happy Easter :-)!!. My parents were raving over Better Luck Tomorrow, since it was my mom's bday yesterday (Didnt do anything because I was at the colton tournament...we all lost...need much more work...sucks to be injured weird pain in my right leg...). My goodness, its been a couple of hours and im still not over it. The movie ends very cleverly and kinda leaves me empty inside cuz its semi relatable...but of course...being the straightest edge guy around...havent reallie experienced any of that shiet...minus the cheating...but that's tame compared to all of the wild shiet that happens in the movie...dont reallie wanna give away the ending cuz i think EVERYONE should watch this...and if ur asian U HAFTA watch it...juss feels very close at home. I heard it was based on a true story about some stuff that happened at Sunnyhills HS and Fullerton HS er something...makes it even disheartening. The stealing part from the beginning reminds of me rumors i heard bout some scandals at Canyon HS...kinda freaky...the basketball gym with the stacked up bleachers remind me a great deal of VPHS...the handball courts also looked similar to Vp's stuff...i dont kno...my mom was lost wit the movie cuz of the profanity and my dad was more interested in looking at my reactions than the actual movie...lolz musta been some sorta test er something...oh wells...had fun at the block :-)...kinda well as fun as chillin wit my parents in a R movie was...The movie kinda freaked my dad out tho...he kept interrogating me after it...im still proud to say i never touched any of that shiet...no drugs no alcohol no smoke...haha im sheltered by choice :-)...dont regret it one bit. The horny guy reminded me of Ho lolz...or me actually well wait...i dont kno... haha as for the porn thing wit the cheerleader... yea i could relate to that... erm i had a similar erm...idea haha. Anyhoo...good stuff everyone check it outs...i might watch wit my friends again...i think i missed the purpose of the movie...i was kinda iffy on some parts... like the last question posed by Ben to the senior guy. Oh wells... anyhow i got home and i barely stepped in the door when the phone rang... david called me up to play some ball... parents being shocked to hell by the movie figured that basketball couldnt possibly be worse than that other shiet so they let me outz...turns out my leg hadnt healed...i had trouble jumping but still did alright for a guy who rarely plays. Saw this Irish Dwarf...lolz 4 foot nothing 30 yr old man... kinda freaky... he had his two teeth knocked out already...but he's sure got game...could take a beating and definitley a shikesload of spirit. BTW yep i played at tustin ranch... bad memories :-(. I was skared at first haha... but kinda got over it after balling for a bits... its not like i play ruff anywayz... juss slightly aggressive at key points :-). I was called consistent by david which was a huge joke cuz i used to be considered the most inconsistent player from our lil group (stevo, david, howard, dave's uncle Scott, and JP). oh wells...school tomorrow...yay...AP tests coming up...now that's skary...kinda get crackin'...btw talked too much to badminton people this weekend...lolz i kno too much bout badminton now...even met some new people...erm Jeff and Jessica from troy...kevin's aquaintances...still owe them dinner haha...damn me and my big mouth :-(.

H [3/30/2003]-[9:27 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Tupac - Thugz Mansion]
terrible juss terrrible...went to tustin ranch wit jp, david, and seham...we come out wit a black dude named mike and his two front teeth knocked out :-(...today has juss gone to shit... Went up for a rebound while playing pick up bball at tustin ranch, last game of the night. we were on the right side of the hoop he jumped later than me for the ball, hit my legs when he came up (these guys were playing rough...they underestimated us in the beginning we were beating them 9-5 before they started playing harder but we were still ahead) i fell backwards and on my fall, i elbowed his mouth then we both fell to the ground (jp said he fell and hit the cement, but i couldn't see cuz i was in front of him), anyhoo, he lost his two front teeth chipped like 3/4's of it off...skared the fuck outa everyone (i quit street ballin more or less...) he spit out blood and his teeth...everything was slo mo ish :-(...very skary...he was koo about it...well koo considering he juss lost his two front teeth, this guy was about 20ish im guessing. He acknowledges that it was an accident...but he asked him what i would think if i were in his position (nother reason why im quitting...coulda easily been my teeth knocked out in that pool of blood and spit)...but he asked for my phone number...it was freaky...i was pissing my pants, but i appeared calm and i asked why and he said cuz he wanted me to cover part of the cost of repair of his teeth...i still wouldnt give it...tempted to give him a fake number but he had his cellie rite there (seemed like a rich dood...like not as ghetto some of the other people) if i faked it, he woulda called rite away and i woulda been busted up...so david (david apologized btw for his comments...kinda juss put behind us a bits) exchanged cell numbers wit him (so in case shit happens, im getting paranoid, i got his name and cell so the police got some leads lolz...yea im paranoid)... anyhoo...it was skary shit... left the place rattled up... its not like they showed any sign of being violent, but it was skary...they kno its an accident...BUT STILL!...afterwards went to Carl's Jr for dinner if u can call it that...we were poor...didnt bring our wallets...scoured david's car (we all packed in that lil maxima that could...) for some dough and found about 6 ish... got 6 double westerns for 4 people...everyone got 1.5 westerns...lolz...oh wells...artery stuffing stuff...still greased up rite now...carl's jr was the scene of some fight two between latina chicas...cops showed up and stuff...erm...yea...lolz...and then eric showed up... heard my story... and he laughed his ass off :-(...bastard... erm... yea... bad day... linda had to work too... sucks :-( SUCKS...SUCKS!...

H [3/27/2003]-[8:02 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Eminem - Sing For The Moment]
been reading all this shiet bout the war...im reallie confused...dont kno what to believe...i dont reallie have any beliefs of my own no more... i read an editorial in favor of war and i start thinkin all hawkish and shiets...then i read all of that antiwar stuff...and i could feel like i could wake up and be marching on DC by tomorrow morn. had game with lakewood and as usual i had to endure my suckage...i get too worked up over the games and as a result im tense as fack during games... i take each screw up too hard... coaches are rite... i focus on past shots and not on the bird in hand... today at a sugar low too... didnt help :-(... we wont still... but regardless...i blame myself too much perhaps... anyhoo... got home and heard bout some answers from berkeley... kinda glad that i didnt apply there... cuz guess wut?! id probably get rejected anyhoo... yea heard some people got rejected and of course some got in... but quite frankly i dont care much no mores... juss gotta get through high school... i say i dont care... yet i still goto lynch's tutoring to still learn calc... i still keep up wit homework more or less... i dont kno... senior year wasnt what i expected... one thing that held true was the rate of temporal passage... lolz shiet... wut its like the end of march... so fast... badminton seasons half over... well not quite...but getting there... wow my last spring break in HS is coming up fast too... lolz... too much... planning to visit SD during break btw... might be exciting... i more or less already made my decision... but heck... mebbe if i didnt like the feng shui last min lolz... i guess... id go somewhere else... oh wells... feels funnie to have everything set... its kinda surreal... juss getting pulled towards college life... i didnt qualify for FAFSA's well not the grant part at least... its okay... good news is that we're NOT that poor...bad news is well... we aint too rich... but hey ... it's okay... dad's business still hasnt picked up... well it aint too bad... but juss not what was expected... my dad was too optimistic when he decided to stop looking for jobs and work for himself... kinda like the bush administration and how they underestimated Saddam's forces... and people who applied to schools well beyond their abilities... lolz... some people juss dont realize that they arent qualified... oh wells... expect a lot then expect great disappointment. gotta skateboard soon too...linda reminded me the other day that senior projects are due in around 1.5 months... skary... been kinda afraid to do anything cuz of badminton... cant risk a sprained ankle... argh... gotta figure something out soon... we'll see...

H [3/23/2003]-[9:03 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Dishwalla - Once In A While]
juss one of those days...filled wit those all too fun nostalgic moments... first off headed to my grandpa's grave at Rose Hill, lit up some incense as usual...even tho i dont reallie believe in that stuff...had a lil debate wit dad over whether or not my grandpa could still hear us talk. He speaks from his mormonism background...tho he aint a mormon reallie (he's an ex-mormon)...some of his beliefs still stuck on...anyhoo im quite uncertain but even if my gramps couldnt hear us telling him about my acceptance to UCSD, my coming of age (18 last wed :-)...didnt feel much tho...) and other odds and ends even how the mutual fund is gunna be split between my sis and I for our educational expenses, its still comforting to kno that we're paying tribute and honoring my grandpa's role in the humble beginnings of our lives (small village southern part of china i believe...). I denno, im not particularly religious...oh wells...the place hadn't changed much...for the duration of our stay, this wind chime hung on those trees that never seem to grow any larger (not for the past few years anyhoo...I swear they keep replacing them...cuz they havent grown any larger since the day of the funeral)...the view of the pacific was fogged/smogged up as usual...sucks...but its the meaning that counts anyhoo...dad saw this huge memorial thingie higher up the social elevation of this very asian hill (yep pacific thing definitley a factor)...at first we thought it was meant for 1 VIP...but upon closer inspection, at my dad's curious insistence, it was meant for 20 people...of a large (RICH!) family no doubt...we drove up the cul-de-sac and we saw all 20 casket casings all painted white lined up...juss weird...kinda creepy...(it was under construction)...juss hard for me to understand the point of all of this...people live...people die...haha i kno this hackneyed idea had been conceived too many times by almost everyone...but honestly...assuming there is life after death...wth will u do wit all that hardware for the lil box u rot in?...like i said...incense and burning paper money (aint uniquely chinese...but my dad being ethnocentric...loves to attribute everything to a chinese origin)...i juss dont see how it does anything for dead people...mebbe im juss closed minded...perhaps they can buy a nice Toyota Spyder in some other dimension or what not...but juss seems so illogical...The fact that those rich bastards plan ahead so much pisses me off... where's the fun in living a preset life (i aint a believer in destiny much...if indeed it exists, its limited...then again...what i believe and what is reality may turn out to be vastly different...) the point is... whats wit all this planning... ive gone through highschool wit limited ideas of my future... and as a result i didnt reallie place much effort into academics... still managed to get to SD's Structural Engineering... but that's far from what I am capable of...that I am sure of... (i kno I kno...being cocky again...but that's juss me...its apart of me inherent in my belief...so linda says anyhoo...) k i understand i aint genius like robert...or su's sis...or su...but hey...i aint stupid much either... not reallie... sure... didnt make UCLA... i was bitter for a bits... but "nothing ventured, nothing gained"... which is absolutely strong... lots of jerks out there making a big deal outa UCLA...writing inflammatory BS and posting on the web...quite unneccessarily if u ask me... whatever the results of college acceptance/rejection... there are interestingly enough two types of people... the people that reject the decision or accept it... college acceptance aint a benchmark for intelligence... Is there a lil box on the Applications that asks for a person's IQ?...didnt think so...but that's a whole another issue...(dont reallie believe in the validity of IQ tests and dont even get me started on EQ tests)... anyhow... AFTER our lil visit to the Rose Hills, our family ate at Diamand plaza...next to that boba place that jennifer took us the other day...and next to that Youn Ho Breakfast place...er whatever...i dont kno the name...its the place we always eat at when we decide to drive up to San Jose...nice restaurant...had some of that Kung Pao Chicken (got hooked on it after my aunt took me to this Jo Lou restaurant in Lil Saigon when i like 7)...i kno i kno...aint spectacular...but i got hooked on that shiet...havent had it for a while...havent eaten out wit parents for a while...cuz havent gone shopping at asian marketplaces for a while...kinda miss it...which is ironic considering the fact that i used to wanna get home as quickly as possible to play computer games (sadness yep...addiction!...no doubt about it...good thing i quit...:-))...yea gunna miss that in college...these days...simple days...but these days that will forever reside in the part of my brain that retains those special memories :-)...anyhoo...got home around 2ish...headed to CV for that planned bball game wit those graduates...most people showed up...kinda a tradition...i was already tired cuz i went to San Gabriel on Sat to get extra training for badminton from my old coach, don for like 7 hrs...oh yea jen was there too...but she left early cuz of some hair appointment wit a gay dude...btw...talked to don a bits...i basically told him everything...disappointment in our team, coaches (or lack of them)...my own failings (lots of mistakes :-()...oh wells...got a bit fired up when i mentioned Betty's slackage (well not juss her...quite a bits actually :-( unfortunately) on friday...she flat out refused to practice when i had to run prac on fri (yea lack of coaches :-( BAH! sad that i gotta run prac somedays...heck im a student!...shiet i aint got no coaching credentials...)...k no more of that...i actually considered quitting the team :-(...but im gunna train harder for the time being...i aint gunna be the reason that we lose CIF...not that we will...still plenty of time...juss gotta get some fucking dedication...ergs...ANYHOO!...i keep getting sidetracked :-(...basketball was fun...as usual...robert always puts everyone in a good mood...i hurt my knee tho...sucks :-( ...howard got banged up bad!...couple of times too...i screwed him up too...these injuries coupled wit his usual injuries from badminton... his reckless dives...stUPID!...I admit i saw a reallie koo one that we actually scored points on...but in general...pointless... he chooses to dive rather than lunge for the birdies...yep a painful manifestation of our lack of coaching staff. Watched Oscars tonight too... kinda a disappointment... not much specialness... nor much of a suprise... Chicago won the good stuff...yea...wit war looming n glooming on my mind...wasnt reallie in the mood...ah wells...school as usual tomorrow...gotta love normalcy... argh linda juss signed off and i finished bloggin...ergs :-(

H [3/08/2003]-[8:56 AM PST]-[Saturday] H
[50 Cents - In The Club]
Yep, im actually up, well not too suprising since im not the type to sleep in anyhoo. I was basically knocked out at around 8ish. So tired...luckily i didnt goto play bball last nite otherwise i woulda been reallie screwed... ive been at the garden grove tournament... haha Villa park 1 boys doubles in case u were there...we lost in the semi finals in case u were there. :-(...my partner brendan was sick (yea the half white guy, scott's cousin)...but it was mostly my fault. I couldnt serve...i had to give up on bob's serve juss to get a halfway decent serve in to survive...actually its pretty amazing to be able to get that far with one guy who cant even serve (me)...and one guy who's having a bloody bloody nose for chrissakes :-(...oh wells...i did alright and though don says it was brendan's fault for playing like a singles player...i disagree. I think it was my fault...i need way more training and my shots were going out. I also injured myself cuz i was stupid enough to play bball before the tourney. I DUNKED on a 9 foot rim! but pulled my right forearm :-(...ergs....disappointed in myself...no doubt brendan was disappointed too. It was a two day tournament lots of cute girls there :-)! haha hao tu wit his "number 15" girl...lol... we won quite a bit but we also lost a bits too :-(...howard and david...now that was disappointing...they needa train a hellava lots harder...or else we reallie WILL lost CIF...and the whole attitude problem pisses the hell outa me... our coach that went wit us on fri, amarit...im disappointed too...he was sleeping on the job literally...it was sad shit... our old coach, don was there to hang out...sadly, he had to end up coaching a bits...great guy...sucks that he aint our coach this year...gay badminton politicks...:-(...club is shutting down next year, er so goes the rumor...that also sucks ass...for my sis...she's getting damned good under the wing of jen...(sidenote: jen always gets...flustered...when i pull down my shirt...that aint new...lolz...but here's my petpeeve...after every point, jennifer will pull on her sports bra...its kinda annoying...oh wells...mebbe thats juss me...*shrugs*...k k...im done wit badminton...today we'll be hanging out at Eug's to watch Shaolin soccer...well at least conceivably thats the plan...but most likely we gunna go ball it up again at tustin ranch...we'll see...im hungry...last food i had was at BCD Tofu house?? with (don, eric's dad, eva's parents, eva, eric, hao tu, shymyla, jen, and mah sis)...erm yea...good food, kim chi gets pretty icky after 3rd bite, i realized i cant used chopsticks still even tho my itll be 18 yrs of chopsticking in 11 days!...ouchies..kinda depressing...

H [3/01/2003]-[1:41 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[50 Cents - Wanksta]
Last night was pretty exciting, went up to USC wit john, david, and bui to visit jane...kinda fun...haha i was one of the few non viet people at VSA (Vietnamese Student Association). Vietfather...semi hilarious, some cute girls i suppose. Jane hasnt changed much from what i remember...damn she has mad people skillz tho...remembers everything...and very confident...oh my...great person...went to eat at Roscoe's on pico... used my last 5 bucks around 11ish...sadly..i couldnt even pay for the meal...i had to borrow...i owe john some money too now...went wit jane us her friend vin, and two other guys dont kno them too well...nice folks...pretty good restaurant...expensive...exclusively black...grit tastes good wit sugar (soul porridge)... oh yea btw USC campus feels so cleancut...i dont kno why but i juss like it a lot...also i like the cityscape and stuff...staples center (saw for first time ever)juss down the street also pretty nifty... afterwards went to apartment to rewatch the production, the commercials were pretty funnie...the guy who played viet father is pretty geniusly, funnie improvish typa comedian... the commercials were pretty funnie, the jack in the box head was not too bad, vingular wireless was funnie, best commercial was this one wit vietnamese translations for rap videos. hilarious stuff. yeap...everyone seems pretty koo at that lil mini party, lots of people do drink, but it doesnt seem like everyone does it...oh wells...mebbe im at the wrong party...anyhow...parth grabbed michelle cuoco...lolz...juss like to note that...totally off the subject...anyhoo...basketball!

H [2/26/2003]-[9:31 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Bowling For Soup - Girl All The Bad Guys Want]
Here's my stream of consciousness...here goes nothing *breathe in* Headed out to lunch today with all of my friends. Of late, we haven’t been going out as much as we have in the past. We all of our theories on this phenomenon, but sadly, non of us have come up with a tangible solution this problem. I remember back in 11th grade we would always have these get togethers and a century theater will always be honored by our prescence, unfortunately, as I have mentioned already, this has not been the case. Anyhow…lunch at Johnny Jr. has been an interesting get together. Among the jokes cracked include the familiar basketball related stuff. Anyhow, later, when I mentioned our trip to Johnny jr. she had fond memories of having her first burger similar to the quarter pounder that I had ordered when she lived in Taiwan. She recalled that she was never into the whole America thing. As in she didn’t have a strong intent to emigrate to the US. It was my dad who was the eldest in his family who had the urge to move. Back to my story, she had her first burger with her friends who were US college bound at the time wit all of their TOEFL’s taken and among the endless faces who greet custom officials at the end of their plight and the beginning of their journey in the land of opportunity. Burgers, fries and drinks are definitely not a well balanced part of ones diet, but despite my talks of aversion from those detested junk food, I failed yet again in partaking upon my delectable fantasies. The aroma of the burgers are tempting to any dieting soul as was apparent today. Especially since Johnny Jr.’s burgers are among the finest in this area. The crisp, yellow fries were also quite fresh. Superior in every way to the fries from mcdonalds…even the ones we use to celebrate our victories at Tustin ranch. Even tho those celebratory fries are few and far between we play for the excitement of the game. Even Ho joined in on the fun. He was surprisingly good. Me ho and david made a good team. Our size and attire failed to impress the ballin boys down at the park, but eventually we proved to surprise and gain admiration from the biggest foes. It’s disappointing how people are judged by their appearances, but unfortunately that is one of the unfiner things of life. Appearances mean all and end all. True, what lies beneath the surface has the substance and the theoretical ascension over the exterior, but appearances amount to impressions and impressions are juss that. Impressions. Imprints. Engravings. Which lend a negative or positive aura onto the unfortunate subject who’s appearances failed to impress. My dad is a prime example. He recently well not so recently because he has started for around a year, a engineering firm. There is modest success, but I believe that part of the reason for the lack of success is the lack of a proper presentation of his abilities. It is apparent that my dad fails to acknowledge appearances because he always downplays the role of sales in business. He emphasizes a hard working creed and ability and mastery of a craft over the value of presenting his abilities. Unfortunately this may turn out to be his downfall. Of late he has changed his manner and style. His poor English also account for part of the reason why he fails to gain important business contacts. Correlatively, he has always emphasized ability and forsaken language. It is sad that he has lived in this country for X amount of years and shiet...he still cant speak decent English. It’ not a matter of intelligence. In fact my dad is incredibly bright, of course, me being his son inherited his smarts and attitude towards life. Recently he has of course presented his plans to move back to china doing our nightly dinner discussions. Yes, we still eat together as a family in this day and age. An valuable resource in an age of dominated by the twiddle fingerers such as myself. Ironically I am such a tech junkie but reluctantly I have come to accept the importance of information gleaned from a simple dinner room discussion. Complexity has gained a foothold in today’s society and many companies seek to capitalize on our forced affinity towards complexity. Such quite retarded thinking leads to such inventions as the LCD refrigerator and the WebTV of which my aunt took part in its horrendous inception. Perhaps there are reasons for these seemingly pointless inventions…but wait there aren’t any, instead they are merely manifestations of our daily plight through today’s complicated world. In many ways our generation may not have it as easier as implied by certain ignorant people. Of course I am not the first to take this stance, I am not that smart, I regurgitate what I read, I am the product of what I read and I am bound to write what I read. In today’s terror bondaged world, there will always be a lingering fear of death even in the fearless. At least there will eventually exist such a fear. Ethnic rivalries and religious discord will always exist. Sorry Moby, but that’s the truth it. For the peaceful minded, allz I can say is good luck. Don’t get me wrong, I am against war, but sometimes hard to avoid with assholes wit big mouths blasting off mere rhetorics up at the top…im well over the validity of that fellow, and tho his efforts are admirable of times, ill give my dad’s summary of our collective view, bush’s view…we just cant “dog with,” Chinese translation of the doctrine of Bushitism. Anyhow…as for now, ill enjoy my lil treats, ie mah quarter pounder all beef burger, fresh cut fries (yummy!)…and some Mexican rice drink…and ill leave those worries to the “pros” and just pray (to what?!)…that everything will work out…perhaps appearances are deceiving…*breathe out*

H [2/16/2003]-[10:36 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Linkin Park - Cure For The Itch]
awww great, conditioning is over, im in decent shape, seasons starting...no more bball, tonight was shiet...i give up too, basketball juss aint awesome, blacks "pwn" no doubt about it...argh...the shaq junior was undefendable...i tried my best...juss couldnt do much...only foul him...valentine's nite was fun :-)...semi traditional...no details :-P...jk jk...watched How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days at the block...aint too bad...got a last min rose at Ralph's shopping center. tomorrow...moving fridge...360 lbs :-)...gunna get some help bribe my buddies wit pizza...and make them help out wit grunt work...btw...balled yestarday wit the grads...didnt feel awesome...basketball sucks erg...i think i needa put in own time to get better...i take crappy as hell shots, i get cocky too much :-(...had the worst bday ever...david's rite...probably last for a while...considering badminton season starting...anyhow...still kinda dehydrated to hell...gunna sleep soon...feeling a bit lightheaded...skateboard some more in the morn...gotta work on ollie...still dont got 100%...k this entry lacked...flavor, spirit, or phun...im done...

H [2/6/2003]-[8:50 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Goo Goo Dolls - Slide]
got my parking permit today...yay for me...should be semi happy...but something's been bothering me...still cant quite put a finger on it...woke up this morning from a weird as hell dream...nite before headed to Red Cross Chapter meeting to see jojo get auctioned off for that valentine's day slave auction...met this girl from steve's mysterious past...stephanie??...steve has a past???...(ill tie this in later...)...anyhow...had a dream last night...it was odd...k...if ur name is michael...gonzales...u may recall...breaking my small garage door back in 7th grade...(never charged u...yet!)...haha tried to play superman...lifting garage door as it came down...well it got all f*ed up...which aint no fun...anyhow...yea...i was repairing the door in my odd dream...(somehow i aint too lazy in mah dreams...)...anyhow...steve, ho, david, and howard were hanging out at my house...when a girl and a guy who is a red cross member and also a badminton player...dont kno name but seen before...pulled up...guess who the girl was??...(obviously a coincidence or this dream would be no fun)...stephanie!...(yep the girl who was sold for a hefty 55 bucks...luckily...linda wasnt up for sale...or i woulda gotten screwed...)...k one thing led to another...and stephanie was making out wit steve in his celica...cept she was driving...(no pun)...lolz what was odd...was i was fixing my garage still...and they were juss parked in my driveway...erm...lolz...my dad was like ...WTH are these kids doing?!...so somehow we went to jp's house...cept it wasnt his house...refer to other dream entry on that...lolz...it was a HUGE mansion like house...wooden floors...mirrors everywhere it was odd...dimly lit...one story...kinda freaky considering im almost 100% ive never seen a house like it...anyhow...aint a turkey dinner wit all of us there...(guess i was hungry)...some generic white people there too...lolz...yes generic...should i use faceless?? sounds too freaky...anyhow...somehow we went to sleep in my dream and woke up...for zero period...and somehow david called me to go see stephanie in the morning...and bum a meal...so me, david, steve, and ho went to her house...which was oddly positioned near belmont park...at the end of the cul de sac that's parallel to via escola and faces the park. anyhow...david started hitting on her...(mebbe cuz i tried in vain to get him to bid on her the night before at red cross...oh wells) lolz so somehow we got a breakfast outside of her house...her house was skary...its 1.5 times a normal belmont house...but downstairs was like pure glass...if uve seen 13 ghosts ull kno what im talking about...its pretty freaky...they had butlers and everything...and the whole time they would stare at us...i dont kno how i knew...considering i had my back to them in my dream...lolz...hey! its my dream...i can pan, zoom-in/out...and what nots...oh wells...so yea...that was my dream...well but it wasnt over...later it involved a bunch of mouses...and their secret hideaway in the washer and dryer room in my house...(similar to Ralph...ya kno!...the motorcycle rat from those books!)...k but i wont get into it...cuz its pointless...K! done...u kno how i said ill somehow relate the dream to life?!...well here it is...tonight i dont kno i was talkin to julia online...and i realized that i didnt kno anything about her...yea i so ur all saying so what..big deal...well it probably isnt...but ive known OF her for a loong time yet i knew nothing...got me kinda thinkin...depressing thoughts...lolz...somehow im equating my lack of knowledge about her with my lack of knowledge of my surroundings?...dont kno...i think im overanalyzing my life...lolz...but one thing people should kno is that i like to maintain control of my life...lolz...kinda relates to convo about my nifty drug free life...but oh wells...i dont kno if this qualifies as an epiphany...cuz i didnt realize anything...well not reallie...i might share this wit writing group tomorrow...cuz i juss wasted all of my creative and analytical juices on this entry...ie...dont feel like typing...feel like sleepin'...

H [1/28/2003]-[7:58 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Third Eye Blind - Semi Charmed Life]
THIS IS JUST IN!...im getting off junkfood!...catch me eating junk food...and u got permission to snatch that shiet away from me...k wait too hard...get off sodas for now!...any soda and u rip from my undeserving lips...! very easy!...DO IT!...i gotta stop getting fatter...all that ab rolling wasted...getting desperate!...and ive been at 190 lbs since 6th grade...lolz its a about time i lost some of that LARD!...shiet...HELP ME!...help...erm..me! (gotta love those lines from cruise movies...so useful...) first day of conditioning...wasnt bad at all...after this week...if i feel up to it...ill condition wit the 7th period too to get twice the conditoning... cleaned out garage completed it all...nice!...weight lifting set arranged nicely on carpet and installed flourescent lights on the ceiling...nice!...watched the state of the union address...all i gotta say is what a crock full of typical bushit...no real content...mostly motivational speech...u stick that triggerhappy cowboy in the lawless side of Afganyland...and he'll be rite at home...everytime i see him...i get reminded of that erm...master of disguise impersonation of bush during the commericals...albeit short...but image kinda stuck in my head...lolz...heck screw that...anyhoo...ARGH...im so anti bush...it aint even funnie!...man...im kinda afraid to walk outside...ill get mugged in the dark alleys and thug mansions of the big orange...k back to badminton...honestly i think our team's got a fighting chance...new player...kevin hurley?? not bad stamina...have yet to see him play...but i think he has big potential...erm...my sis gotta work on stamina...and she'll have this game in the bag...my sis's got game...one hellava smash...proud to have helped train her...jennifer got...erm bigger...haha she better not read this...not much bigger!...lolz...k ill change...outa shape...but im sure she'll be good...then there's howard...if he tries...we'll be pretty damned awesome...and as always our junior nationals got our back...always been like that...juss this year...we're only using one crutch stead of da full set...anyhoo...fun year...we're gunna win!...im betting 4 months of soda on it!...lolz...oh yea...had a dream last night...fun stuff...dreams are always uber nifty...i think i told linda and michelle today, refreshed me poor memory...thx!...anyhoo...here goes...lolz its a lil wacked...but bear wit me...semi interesting...involves reyna and gold ol stevo...lolz...apparently they belong to some secret ninja clan?!...but they are more similar to the mafias from romeo must die...the asians of course!...lolz...anyhoo...ben affleck is also in their clan...(yea kinda weird...watched trailers from daredevil...*shakes head*)...anyhoo...we were at my grandma's house...but we werent...yea i kno confusing...tried to explaint o linda too...but i think i got better at it...lolz...erm...ill make it more clear...it was labeled my grandma's house, but in fact it did not look like it...mebbe resembled...its like if ur in a dream and u see the color green but ur head tells u its blue...or something like that...okay okay...im a confusing person...moving on...apparently ben affleck is dating my sis...haha dont laugh...u never knO!...lolz...j.lo is pretty dumpable!...anyhoo...this ninja clan has this special ability akin to batman's trademark...or sorta...u kno when that one erm fat cop/detective in the animated batman series says "how the heck does he do that??"...when batman leaves and leaves the window open and the person hangin...YES!...its that...anywayz...these ninja people are pros at opening screens and windows and disappearing...well...i was hiding in a corner because god knows how i got suspicious...of this suitor...(lolz funnie thing was i knew it was ben affleck in my dream...mebbe that tipped me off...denno...)...anyhow...i saw him come in through the window at blazing speeds...and take off his mask to reveal j.lo's biatch...amazing stuff...anyhoo...ill make it short...becausemy dream sucked...it was sketchy...i juss remember that there was a scene where reyna had like samurai gear and was fighting another generic japanes chick...weird stuff...lolz...great choreographing i must say...lolz...yea linda's rite...i watch too much tv...lolz...overactive imagination...k next time i wake up from a nifty dream...ill doc it rite after so i get the details...otherwise itll get murky by lunch...anyhoo...smallville's on...NO!...i dont got nuff drama...(ref to UPN commericals...for those who are concerned...cuz im aware that the allusion is pretty damned vague...haha ho would understand being the master of ambiguity!)...K.K. here i come!

H [1/27/2002]-[9:25 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[U2 - The Hands That Built America]
woohoO!...A- in Calc...haha barely made it...scored a C+ on that calc test averaged wit the non-calc, B...i got a nifty B- and averaged wit last quarters A...and some nifty groveling...got me an A-...whew...lolz...kinda disappointed how i scored low on that calc test ...but oh wells...haha as usual i got my usual bag of excuses...played basketball for two hours...a little tired...eyes watery...hot!...didnt expect to be dehydrated...lolz...hmm...oh wells..!...its over...gotta work harder in math...life is great ...but ive seen quite a bit of unnifty grades ...kinda sucks...ill gloat when i wont get my ass kicked...also conditioning at OCBC tomorrow...BAH!...drove to school for first time today and parked at jp's house...still gotta get a parking permit for his sidewalk and more importantly for VPHS parking lot...argh...all in due time...juss gotta remember to do on Feb 6th...welps linda's (I love the gift brightened my day) asleep...gunna type up a letter for my dad...and welps ill call it a nite mahself...

H [1/26/2002]-[10:08 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Third Eye Blind - Jumper]
SUPERBOWL today!...yay...erm...the game blew!...lolz...raiders got raped... ...haha we cheered them on...even tho most of us didnt care about football...much anyhoo...where are the buccaneers from again??...tampica bay??...where the hell is that?!...hmm...lolz...played a lil 56k cs on chris's comp juss to piss him off ...mostly people shot pool to our musico prodigo...bui-o ...cant get over that walk eh?...musta been a hellava walk to still be remembered after all of our second wave hype...(that i started...and now i regret!...tho mandy is HOT! HOT I SAY!)...anyhoo...drove on freeway perfectly this morn to moreno valley...im pretty set...i got it down...drove in carpool lane for first time in my life...w00t!...got in big erm fight this morning wit dad...but everything's semi okay...driving to school tomorrow morning...gunna try to wake up jp's parents tomorrow...uh huh...yea...itll be fun...note on moreno valley: everything seems small as hell...lolz...our backyard seemed soo much bigger when i lived there...lolz the street felt helluva shorter lolz...does growing like 6 inches reallie have that much of a profound effect on ur everyday outlook?!...or is it because i got pampered...and live in a semi big house (my standards...aint hillcrestish tandards...*cough* chris)...anyhoo...

H [1/18/2003]-[12:11 AM PST]-[Friday] H
[Avril Lavigne - I'm With You]
I juss felt like dressing up dammit!...is that soo wrong? lolz...if u kno me...u kno that i dont lie (not for long anyhoo)...i juss got a haircut from john and figured id dress up...stole from john's modus operandi...but hey!...its okey!...erm...had a fun night...good ol fashioned hangin out...haha watched lakersvsrockets...lolz...YAO MING!...haha im a believer!...I BELIEVE!...lolz actually...he didnt live up to my expectations...had bunch of friends over...mini party (fine get together)...lots of people (steve, howard, david, ho, eugene, bui) fun stuff...afterwards played steve's NBA Live 2k3 on his PS2...also fun stuff...kept messing around...but made some good shots when sorta got serious...anyhow...winter formal tomorrow...kinda sad...aint going...missing last chance to go...but i kno i woulda felt worse if i went wit someone else other than linda...tomorrow playing ball wit grads and at night hanging out at linda's house hopefully. erg...long day ahead...so getting sum sleep...btw take my quiz here's that pic My 7th Grade Pic

H [1/16/2003]-[11:44 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger]
FIRST ENTRY OF THIS NEW YEAR! ...lolz...sad...always 1/24 of the way into the new year...kinda lost interest in my subbie for a while. The rearranging of my house didnt help either...moved everything, furniture...etc...my room is uber clean...my dad has a more decent lookin "office" downstairs and best of all...got me on compu in my room...lolz ive always wanted that!...MY OWN COMPUTER!....haha sadly...these days i dont go on much no more...juss no time at all...lost interest in the net...so much better things to do...lolz...haha i kno ikno...hard to believe...but ya'll see ONE day...whole other world out there!...trees...bees...and more trees...quite exciting...been working hard in lynch's "boot camp" ...even his pump up song is stuck in my head...EYE of the tiger baby (thx to david for giving me name)...well not reallie...kinda slacking...almost caught up...but im actually getting the material...which aint that much of a surprise...(im a cocky guy...i have leisure to talk big...its mah gig...)...winter formal headaches...aint happening to meeh...haha thx linda!...:-P...lolz...thinking positive!...i am!...haha besides aint no big deal...dont kno why i stressed outz in the first place about her not going...i cant dance anyhoo...haha like today...when john...& michelle (haha im pro)...were cutting my hair...i couldnt even lean to one side...michelle was trying to choreograph it and stuff...and john was juss getting frustrated...probably assuming that i was faking inability...yep its sad...i dont think im good at following directions...never was...lolz...ur reading the subbie of a guy who never reads instructions before putting anything together...or installing anything...or ANYTHING...lolz...kinda take it as it comes until i get smacked around and shut down...then i take some more...lolz...yep u guessed it...last minute blog entry to meet the mooney deadline...for musings...haha im a sellout...turning in mah blog and all...but ack...no biggie...i woulda blogged anyhoo...its kinda fun...in a boring kinda way...i still owe ho a bday present (dont worrie didnt forget...not yet anyhoo)...ah yes...badminton season coming up too fast...aint gunna be too prtty...zero period photo...badminton till late...and to top it off...I AM taking 5 AP classes still...bah!...life will be hell...we aint "outa here" yet. still ballin a bits...i suck...ill admit...lolz...still fun tho...good exercise tho... getting car soon...'91 camry...haha family car! lolz...ahhh the memories...sis leaving side door open and dad backing out of garage...ramming head into ceiling wit a hat while 5 and leaving a dent in ceiling...radiator breaking down...riding in car every morning since we got it...lolz...how can i say no to this car...well reallie i cant!...haha its in a lovely condition..boxlike n all...but heY!...its my car! lolz...gunna soop it up! oh yea!...lolz...reyna said some stuff about clear what?...some spoi-wut? rims...say what??...lolz...fun car talk...welps im car deaf so hmm...lolz...ill juss settle wit those fobby smellly things to fill my car wit the aroma of pumpkins?? lolz...(what are u thinking eugene?!)...haha...hmph...getting late...off to beds...too bad it broke...lolz...remind self...dont jump on it...foolish of me...bah!:-P

H [12/23/2002]-[10:48 AM PST]-[Monday] H
[Good Charlotte - Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous]
The Two Towers was damned good...worth that 3 and a half hrs of silver screening...that elf chick (can't remember her name arawyn? oh my...i even read the book...she's hot...and i cant remember her name...shameful...) and aragon...wow...deep love...lolz im gunna get sappy but when i was watching that part all i could think about was linda...IM SERIOUS!...weird...making me feel good rite now...im have these feelings off well being juss flowin through me...even tho i didnt buy any christmas gifts for nobody...im the grinch incarnate...im a sad child...i cant afford gifts for anyone...(if u plan on buying me a gift...or already did REFUND IT! and dont bother getting me anything i dont deserve honestly). Basketball was exciting today, tho i sucked like cwazy...our upstairs is still cluttered cuz all of my shitz is in the hallways...waking up early tomorrow to clean it all up before my aunt and cousins from san jose come down...argh tired...badminton on sun and basketball today was too much...i played scott bering (old team cap back from sd)...and don was there too...fun stuff...badminton is awesome, that's all imma say...and honestly i think we can win cif still if some of us...(HOWARD!) will fucking try harder to train...jeez...these slackers will end us...oh wells...ill still work my ass off to dominate in my games at least...i dont wanna be the reason we lose cif...arghs...too tired to worry rite now...dont wanna leave linda hanging...:-)

H [12/23/2002]-[10:48 AM PST]-[Monday] H
[Dishwalla - Angels Or Devils]
Argh, sick and bored in spanish rite now...Yestarday, we went on that Photogaphy trip to Hollywood...saw some weird stuff...a decently hot blonde playmate, a spidiman wit his spidi sense tingling (lolz...gives new meaning to the word "Tights"), and a 90 year old superman wit the same prob as above...the star was not what i expected at all. It was not glamorous or anythign and it was in fact pretty damned boring. Perhaps had I not been sick, then this would not have been the case. In any event the star walk was juss a bunched of letters in cracked concrete that i stepped all over along wit everyone else. The neato park was fitting my hands on where Marilyn monroe had touched and actually seeing how big R2 D2's feet?? erm wheels were...i didnt see a point to putting the shoe imprints because unless those were all designer shoes(which was highly possible...) then it would have been pointless. anyhow I spent soo much money on food which is always a depressing prospect. Its not like i work or anything so there is a stagnant flow of cash into my wallet. i am happy to receive any "bonuses" from working for my dad, but that is juss enough to get by. Granted that i dont reallie need to spend any money, cuz its not like i pay for rent or anything, nor am i obligated to pay for foo, therefore my modest erm... allowance is sufficient for the majority of the time. anyhoo tho it wasnt the locale wasnt exceptional, the company was, fun stuff hanging out wit linda :-)...but being sick detracted from the experience severely. oh wells...got home took a nappy and proceeded to lynch's review....stayed for a whopping 6 hrs...i damned well better be ready for that math test or ill be fucking po'ed. As for physics, i completely gave up. Stevo gave me a 5 min touchup and bam...i was "ready." obviously i wasnt...cuz i got fucked up this morning. The test was totally unrelated to the problems we did from the book. argh...juss very depressing...anyhow feel sorrie for lynch...works too hard and juss too many dumbasses in our class...i would mention names...but this subbie is pretty much public...soo dont wanna be held accountable. anyhow...back to watching ice age en espanol...not that i could understand anything...SLEEP!...tired...bah :-X

H [12/15/2002]-[8:48 AM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Bad Religion - Sorrow]
lots o stuff happening, spent time wit many friends...different groups different things...not nuff time...gave that lynch packet a decent shot and gave up...lynch review...HERE I COME!...ergh this week is gunna be hell. finished that NHS thing today and then went to Tustin Ranch to ball a bits again...btw wtf is ho's prob asking everyone to winter formal...if u reallie wanted a date...this aint the way to do it...btw...linda killed my "lil gaming spirit"...i cant get into games anymore...AHHH!...dammit...actually...not true...bubble bobble is suprisingly addicting...at first i was among the majority who made fun of david and stevo in bio...but after playing a few levels...brought back old memories...used to play a pc port on my 486 computer back in the days. oh yea...this morn finished off second half of lord of the rings: fellowship of the rings...FINALLY....thx for nothing stevo..."burn after AP test" MY ASS!....ergs...not too great tho...kinda let down...aint bad either...i guess...then again what should i expect...brian's rite...magneto as gandalf, bad guy from matrix as that elf lordy, 006 as friggin that mean boromir...arghs...cg aint bad...now i kno what a balrog looks like...reminds me of D2...or D1 actually...ahhh...the bad ol days...nice nice...hmph...gunna give fizix a shot now...probably give up and watch Alias...good stuff....CHANNEL 7 SUNDAYS...a bit confusing...ill be happy to explain...mebbe :-)({---SEE?! happy!)

H [12/7/2002]-[9:22 AM PST]-[Saturday] H
[Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply]
Wow...erm being sick wasnt that bad...gotta stay home and missed the gov test...heard it was real hard...ergs...i had a high as hell fever and because of the dehydration i started hemoragin...in erm...places...so anyhow...im a lot better...went to docs on thurs to get some antibiotics...worked pretty well...btw first time going to that doc...and saw my old chinese culture teacher from NOCCS. its quite a small world...had long talks...yea being retired sucks...haha...u needa keep yerself occupied or else ull go nuts...like my grandma...she schedule-ized her day...and taking care of her tzi zu? (that how ya spell it???someone tell me! lolz...i should kno...)...anyhow got lots of sleep and on fri...i woke up at 10 planning on not going to school but the medication paid off even tho i woke up like 30 times in the night...well not quite...but okay...linda visited me :-)...awww:-)!...then went skating at night...but big mistake...i wasnt totally up for it...went wit dan, jp, ryan, and michael to Laguna Niguel HS skatepark...not bad...its lit and...FREE!hehe...i was a wuss...bah...at night...i played a game on the phone wit linda...haha we juss kept playing music and we tried to stump each other...fun stuff...not bad for being sick...tonight imma head out to that interact dance...we'll see how it goes...sucks that linda cant make it...but as of now about to head to VP to play some ball...gotta get in shape/stay in shape?!(well not...trying to lose weight still...)...

H [12/1/2002]-[11:02 AM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Big Tymers - Still Fly]
had a crazy dream last night...it started on one of those ferry boats in the Fjords of Norway(they are basically cruises)...linda and i...standing on the tip of the boat...mock-titanic stylez...then the boat docked and we went down to have fun(cant remember what...juss sorta fast forwarded), but on the way back we were late and the boat was leaving, we were in line behind some buddhist monks er something...but the lady at the door to the station let us in without even checking our licenses or passports (i forgot mine...) we ran inside...(it was basically the train station from Harry Potter)...then we got seperated...the crowds were all rushing onto the cruise...i thought id be clever and i ran into a door at the bottom instead of climbing up stairs...then it started to move...what i didnt realize was that i was in a train (...i kno makes no sense...)...anyhoo we are moving and outside i could see pastures and cows and stuff....but for some odd reason i dont realize that im on a train and not the ship...along the way to the front cab of the train, i see crippled people, people wit one leg, blind people, and juss assorted odd lookin people...and they get odder the closer i get to the front...and when i got to the front, it was a weird courtroom with i believe 5 judges (kinda like the French judicial system, aint the american standard issue jury system...)...apparently they were trying each of those crippled people...the were judgin' based on perfection...anyhoo...it got too weird...so i ran to the back of the train...and it was weird but steve and john was there...dont kno how...but we were all like strangers...er something...anyhoo this dream was very very detailed...as we moved along, i saw detailed scenery and stuff...stuff from Norway, Canada, Switzerland, u name it...but there was a common theme: snow...i saw a town wit all log cabin which were painted wit colors similar to houses from so cal, like the pale erm...almost peach color walls and white walls and stuff like that...i also saw a lot of waterfalls, lots of breathtaking views too, similar to the Fjords from Norway...yet again...i also saw a wedding ceremony that was set up but nobody was there...but i heard a live performance from justin timberlake...(erm musta been bui's fault...cuz i dont listen to that stuff normally...hmph)...anyhow...there were even stops and stuff...similar to the train rides i took in scandinavia over the summer and similar to the ones i had in china a few years back...u could stop and get food and relieve urself...but for some odd reason nobody on our train would get off...i wasnt hungry or anything but i juss wanted to get off...denno why...after the last station, the train turned into one of them tour buses, Dont ask me how, it juss turned into one...then we kept driving along cliffs and stuff...scary stuff...kinda like highway(interstate??) 1 along the california coast or stuff in British Columbia on our last trip of to Canuckland...then for soem odd reason, the road merged, it became a one lane road, wit oncoming traffic, so we had to yield and stuff...then during one yield a mercedes benz drove too fast and forced us off the ravine...it was odd too...we didnt fall according to the laws of physics...there was no fear either...i was more juss disappointed...i juss watched as we plummaged down...in an third person omniscent way...but sometimes i would flash back to myself in the car...but nobody in the car would react...in my mind i was wondering why i couldnt have been smarter and gotten off at the last stop or never gotten on this train in the first place. anyhow the crash was weird...it juss happened and when we all woke up...we were ghosts...we juss knew we saw the crash...but it wasnt emphasized in my dream...then walked to a typical Bavarian village and juss walked amongst the villagers...but of course being ghosts, we couldnt be seen by them...then i saw my aunt (the one who lives in Northern cali, computer programmer for microsoft) and her husband ...for some reason they could see us...she used that famous 6th sense line..."I can see dead people." weird stuff...so we went to her...erm hut?...and she claimed that she could bring us to life...(it was actually set in the future)...she kept blabbing about stuff like melding the ancient arts wit the technology)...anyhoo she used some weird witchcraft stuff and made a stew and put in a tub...then taking element of cloning, made our bodies back...then she used more black arts to revive us wit our souls intact...strangeness...(sidenote: while we waited...i was put into the body of a Kermit doll...hmm...this dream is crazy...)...then they claimed they could bring back the dead juss by knowing cause of death so searching on this sooped up comp, we found how linda died (she drowned, but somehow i knew because it was weird...since it was my dream, i knew it was the titanic, so i knew before they told me which makes no sense either...)...then they brought her back...and that's where it ended...MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL...but so there...linda...I DO think of u ALL the time!...:-)...i guess that's the point of this entry...lolz also cuz this dream is semi bothering me...its too detailed...and i still remember it too clearly...its disturbing...dont kno if it means anything...kinda scary...also lots of faces in there i coulda sworn I HAVE never seen in my life...hmmph...i think i got an overactive imagination...that's what i get for playing cosmic bowling soo late...:-[

H [11/19/2002]-[6:43 AM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Eminem - Till I Collapse]
IT WAAS THE SUN!!! yea yea...im a bad kid... :-( got in a fight wit some faggot polo player...i got suspended for the first time in my LIFE!!!...second real fight in my life...omg...one at end of middle school too...from the rumors, supposedley I "won" the fight...but i think i lost...i let him tackle me even tho i knocked his head around when i was going down...ergh...it didnt all begin in the quad...it all started in Gov, ho punched me in the ribs and john told me to stand up for myself er something...haha that sorta hung around my head all day...then when linda and I walked through the quad at lunch i got hit in the head by a hackey sack, which aint a big deal (for those who kno me i get hit by balls all the time, basketballs, footballs, soccerballs, tennis balls, etc) and i wouldnt have cared, but when we were walking away we heard them laugh, so i knew they did it on purpose...i got fired up rite there already, and linda felt my hand clench, so she pulled me away, which i did, we kept walking for like 5 yards then they chucked the hackey sack at me again in the head...i got fucking pissed off...i was turning back heading their way, but linda pulled me back, but not before i took the hackey sack and chucked onto the roof. then we juss kept walking, then one of them walked over and told me to "fetch" the sack...there was no way i could swallow my pride to do that...and he was on my back...socked him in the jaw...he went back then he came back to try to tackle me by going low...so i punched him in the head while he came...if u kno me, i never fight, i suck at it, i dont even kno what to do...so...anyhoo...wearing my skater shoes, i did something stupid, i tried to take a step back while he was trying to knock me down BIG MISTAKE he actually knocked me down, (that's how i scraped my right elbow)...then while i was getting up he put me in a very weak arm lock, got two hits on my forehead but i didnt get hurt cuz he didnt hit my nose or my eyes er something erm...soft...so luckily i didnt get hurt at all, since i was stronger, i lifted him up and and while he was hanging onto my neck, i punched the back of his neck/head hard, he started going down, so i stopped a bit, i was afraid of killing someone ( i found out that i didnt reallie hurt him yet thank god)...anyhoo we got seperated by a bunch of security guards and two vice principals...they took the guy away in a security cart while i juss walked down there, racist? *shrugs* i could reallie care less (he's mexican , i think!...lolz when they asked who i was fighting, i didnt even kno what he looked like or what his name was, juss happened too quickly). argh my gf is disappointed for good reason, juss for the record im not proud of what happened (very stupid), but it had to be done in my opinion cuz back in my sophmore year, these other mexican kids would throw food at me when i walked to my locker. i listened to what teachers advise ya to do and i juss walked away...they juss threw bigger things and shiet...after 1 month of that shiet, i grabbed the leader by the neck and hung him from the side of a wall and told him to stop calmly, or ill reallie hurt him...also wasnt proud but had to be done, cuz if u allow people to walk all ova u...then u deserve it...at least that's how i see it...so today...i did something about it...if u didnt kno how i was before, i was reallie fat, i got picked on all the fucking time, most people dont kno wth ive been through...and it aint fun ill tell ya that much...so basically i dont regret it, i get a day off to make up sleep, and catch up on math hw...aint that bad...and for those who care it doesnt go on permanent record that gets sent to colleges, which is a plus, cuz im about to graduate this year so i dont give a fuck...only regret was not walking linda to her car and not restraining myself even more...SORRIE LINDA!...i still love u...ill try harder next time (wont be a next time i hope) oh wells over and done wit, dont look at me differently, i wouldnt have resorted to fighting if i werent pushed that far...im still a nice guy! reallie i am!...

H [11/17/2002]-[9:49 AM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Lynard Skynard - Sweet Home Alabama]
wow...didnt get in trouble last night...damn that was irresponsible of me...i juss felt like shiet because my mom was very disappointed...no need to yell at me or nothing...enough to make me feel bad...shiet...man...wth did we do yestarday...played some more bball...(wit chinese school)...BAD IDEA!...played 5 hrs the night before that...shiet...bball addicts...got john in trouble :-(...missed piano...SORRIE MICHELLE! erg...hmmph...had pho for first time yestarday too...ITS CHINESE FOOD basically...aint that special...dont kno what ho's smoking...at ho's house they played yugioh...started singing pokemon theme song...and stuff...lolz I was SICK okay?!...jeez ill blame on playing too much bball yet again...AHHH!!! got another person who thinks my personal statement is negative...dangit catie...shiet!...ahhh!!! k...switching gears...imma be more positive in my essay writing on learning chinese in an english language dominate society...hmm...also gotta finish that mouse trap car thing...left trap and ho's house...argh...cant test my nifty car...i dont care about winning so...im using my old erector set to build it haha...also...jojo's bday today...gotta get her something still...hmmph...AHH!!...stressing out!

H [11/12/2002]-[4:41 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Super Mario Brothers - Dire Dire Docks]
haha...TETRINET!!!...omg im getting hooked again...frick defeats the whole purpose of my personal statement...! must lay off seriously!...haha jk jk...juss been playing a bit...man my friends blow!...lolz...haha met steve's special comic book shop guy haha...lolz they be best of friends who dont kno each others names...hehe...witnessed their chumminess first hand...pretty cool!...pretty cool...had a couple of swigs at jack in da box too...haha we all got small cups and drank "sodas"(we chugged more tap water than actual soda...NICE!) till we got sick...that was amazing... GOTTA FINISH APPZ...only halfway done...im gunna try to rush it through tonight...its actually kinda fun...the folders wit smiley faces are suprisingly comforting...erm...steve's got a new mortal enemy...TIGGER...omg very obnoxious individual (cant even spell his own name rite...them bastards from erm...100 acre...something something)...WHooWHooHEEhEE!...wow...still ringing in my ears...arghs... anyhoo...don't bother me, im eating...

H [10/31/2002]-[10:13 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Madonna - Die Another Day]
haha...hafta put an entry...its halloween for chrissakes...juss chilled at ho's house...had some good clean fun...played sum bball...ho got his hand all f*ed up by john :-(...knocked howard down on accident...:-(...but we had some fun...this halloween feels all empty and shiet...juss didnt feel like it...these midterms, finals and stuff...its been one huge conspiracy to drive me nutz...every AP teacher is out to get me...i swear!...oh my...tired...its ALL ova...or is it...dammit...sat's on sat...nice...cramathon tonite...had my fun tonite...regret not going to anderson's house :-(...broke tradition! shiet mai bad...sorrie brian. overall...juss tired...was a tad po'ed at fusco for giving a "review sheet for the midterm" and turns out that non of that shiet even appears on the test...read stranger and actually scored well...which semi brightened my day. and then i got a 23.1 raw score and 90.7 % on that Lynch test which reallie cheered me up...too bad there were cheators and we all gotta retake that test on mon...so that detracted from my moment of triumph...but im sure i can pull it off again...it wasnt luck that's for sure...to be honest...if i could score high...anybody could...i mean i havent done any math hw since 7th grade...juss got dedicated this year...and at least it shows :-)...been a tough uphill battle...dont recommend my route...anyhow juss needa get sum sleep tonite...last nite everyone was at my house studying for math and physics...and i stayed up way too long...tired args...not the best halloween ever...but then again didnt even feel like halloween...so...ill juss pretend there wasnt a halloween this year...btw signed up for that democratic party gig on sun wit linda...everyone come! I even started my personal statement!...: here’s a short clip: Beads of unwarranted frustration streamed across my agonized cheeks. My “palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy.” Ironically, I stood alone, facing the fireplace that provided me with warmth in better times, on the icy altar of my endless brooding. My imposing father demanded that nothing but Chinese could be uttered through my lips, but defiance was in my blood. Though faintly, I grasped what my dad was preaching, but I was not close to fathoming the true power of a second language. Being an ABC (American Born Chinese), I am among the more fluent in my mother language than most other ABC’s.

H [10/25/2002]-[10:05 PM PST]-[Friday] H
[Joe Ft. N'Sync - I Believe In You]
Wow...haha linda's put up wit me for a whole 5 months! haha...oh my...suprising absolutely everyone :-P...haha speaking of surprises...today i made linda cry! haha...(tears of joy...whew...)...basically...planned this last sun...but couldnt put in here...cuz linda actually reads my rants haha...juss came up wit it when chris gave me that spare homecoming ticket...so anyhoo...cuz linda's been feeling bad that she couldnt goto homecoming and how i missed out and stuff too...well i decided to "bring homecoming to her"...haha...so i got the last song of the dance, Joe Ft. N'Sync - I Believe In You...and played from steve's Celica...i had lots of help...haha special thx to all my VERY good friends...stevo...howard...ho...for helping me set this up...thx a lot...woulda never made it without u guys...haha got flowers from ralphs...cuz i was running outa time...i kno i kno...not too romantic...haha but juss for the record...the flowers looked great! haha...oh yea thx christine for the glitter...haha very very nice touch...lolz almost made the cigarrete butts on the ground look nice...ho got carried away wit the glitter...and his sense of color...aint too acute...howard was going nutz...basically i asked her if i could have the LAST dance...haha i kno pretty unoriginal...but the timing was rite haha...5 month anniversary and a week after homecoming...haha...very magical :-)...had to change in the guys locker room...havent done in a while...haha oh yea thx to Moe...for watching my shiet while i went away...haha...man i owe everyone...lolz...erghs...anywayz i left the pretended to give linda a keys to a car for our 5 months and when she opened steve's car...flowers were on the front seat...haha i turned on the music and we "danced" to the last song from homecoming. well not danced...juss sorta hugged but oh wells...it all worked out! haha...beautiful day...one regret was totally flunking the timed write...brain juss didnt function...i was running on like adrenaline er something all day...when i went home i juss collapsed on my bed...anyhoo badminton tourney tomorrow!...very excited haha!...must sleep!...ahhh haha still smiling like a madman...haha :-) i love u linda! btw...very sexy lyrics... Joe I never believed in dreaming It never got me very far I never believed that love Could find me like an arrow through the heart I never believed in miracles Or building castles in the air Not until that day I found you Turned around and you were there From the day you came You gave me a whole new point of view I've been touched by an angel, It's impossible but true CHORUS: Joe and *NSYNC I believe in you I swear that forever from today No one will ever take your place I believe in you And I believe our love will last always Joe Oh yeah Justin I never believed in fairy tales, Though sometimes I wish I could I never believed that golden slippers Could ever find the perfect foot I never believed in magic Or that wishes could come true But your very first kiss changed all this Something only you could do Yeah JC You made me a believer You made me trust again You showed me there's a pot of Gold at every rainbow's end Repeat chorus All Only love sets you free Joe Only love And if it's up to fate then you're my destiny All Now I know Joe Now I know All Now I see Joe and JC Anything can happen If you just believe Repeat chorus thrice

H [10/23/2002]-[10:41 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Beethoven - Pastoral Symphony]
"Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined."...haha that be sum randomness for u stevo...THINK! anyhoo haha yea yea im downloading classical music...starting slow...stuff from Fantasia...yep the one wit mickey and stuff...haha soothes da soul rite...?...hmmph haha hopefully it increases my SAT ii grades...stressing like crazy over it...haha... today went to badminton for like nearly 4 hrs...jeez...crazy stuff everyone's gotten better, ill give david and howard credit...much better than i expected...all the power to them...haha...but howard...admit im better! lolz...ya'll kno i am! haha...feed my egomaniacal nature dammit...ergs...btw geoff improved a snike load too...quite amazing...i gotta give him props for sticking to it...haha to be honest never thought he'd get good...then again who woulda thought id get good...hmm...then there's always Al...what can i say...eric's heir...hmm haha same guy who bladed to practice every single mutha facking day last year... argh im fricking tired...gotta finish that glove thing before friday...haha got a coupla good ideas already... btw turns out that my ap grade wasnt changed...something about a confusion about my grades (<---hunt)...hmm i denno now im kinda screwed cuz my gpa is all messed up cant even apply to uc's or scholarships till this is all cleared...erghs...

H [10/20/2002]-[7:06 PM PST]-[Sunday] H
[Eminem - Lose Yourself]
woke up amazingly early today...grrr...went to the choc walk for interact wit linda :-)...funness...haha basically u walk through disneyland, california adventure, and downtown disney. Not bad for a measely 5 dolars, not to mention its for a good cause :-). haha disneyland has not changed much at all...juss seems so small now...mebbe i got bigger...it was koo how they had demented christmas stuff on the haunted house...very nice touch...i dont think id ever pay to goto california adventures...juss seems like a huge ripoff...shoulda been an add on to disneyland...haha at this rate it might have to become one to survive. oh wells...then i got a haircut today too from john...andrew got one too haha and frick mine turned out like crap! ahhh...haha well sorta...but from no fault of john, its cuz i dont spike my hair anymore so it doesnt stand up straight...hard to cut...so i guess i cant blame on john...hmm...btw that homecoming ticket that chris gave me last nite along wit his sad lil story was only a sham...dammit these invitations mean jack...apparently ur name is already in a data base...haha im so gullible...considering ive been to prom already #*!&#(*^!...

H [10/19/2002]-[1:40 PM PST]-[Saturday] H
[Kylie Minogue - In Your Eyes]
wow...went to the homecoming game last nite...haha i didnt expect carla to win...haha we all wanted britney to win...oh wells...not a big deal to us...we all showed up to the game...it's okay linda that u couldnt make it...sucks that we lost to canyon...i think the score was like 25-34...but i didnt care much either...i learned more about football last nite than i ever knew...david nguyen didnt get to play which kinda sucks...but oh wells...he says he'll get to play soon...which is good i guess... oh wells...not a real football buff...ill stick to my badminton...now that's a much more amazing sport. I learned that in football there's like different teams on one team... steve's rite...pretty skilless... oh wells... overall had a lotta fun...juss hanging out wit friends... mike woo's erm...cheer was disturbing...borderlining on annoying...oh wells... but in a way i respect it still...its his thing...ill never have to guts to do that...then again why would wanna be the mascot either... Btw i havent started my personal statement yet...and its stressing me out big time...i dont kno what to rite about...well i would start writing...juss dont kno what to write about. and gotta look for some scholarships...man too many things coming at me at once...got me all stressed out and stuff...and i start my application for uc's this weekend...i think ive pretty much decided to only apply to uc's...we're not that rich...ergs...also having problems at the registrar's office wit my transcript &*^#!*&. its frustrating the hell outa me.

H [10/14/2002]-[6:56 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[Pink - Just Like A Pill]
Yestarday we got howard some stuff for his quite amazing bday...birthday boi f*ed up chris's front door haha...but we'll juss blame ho...man that european stained glass aint cheap...haha that's gunna cost him his birthday presents...and a HUGE chunk of change...*tsk* *tsk*...its okay...we'll all help cover...as soon as i get my job...ill pull my weight too...no way im letting my friend carry the full load. anyhow...we then had an quite exciting run in wit jess...we then left ASAP to ho's house and we had "guy talk" amazingly for like 4 hrs...among the topics of debate was the sexuality of our fellow men, bitches here and abroad, and the stability of hs relationships...DEEP STUFF! :-)...anywayz left at 1 and my mom got po'ed at me not because she doesnt trust me, but because she sleeps on the couch to wait for me even tho i called before telling them to not wait...still i feel reallie bad its mai fault...i understand what they do...and if i drove wouldnt have happened...oh wells...anywayz today had a lotta fun in belmont park :-) then went to see Rules of Attraction wit andrew, navkarn, and jp...we saw about 30 min of it...and the homosexual references and jokes was too much...it was basically too much sex and not quite funnie...felt kinda dark aint anywhere near american pie where its lighthearted...this movie was shit:-(...so we left 30 min in and watched red dragon instead...not bad...ill have a lil harder time sleeping tonight but aint gunna kill me...anyhow had a fun weekend...juss glad i got over those satii math stuff :-)

H [10/5/2002]-[9:31 PM PST]-[Saturday] H
[Coldplay - In My Place]
AHH!!...sat's in 1 week...im cramming like a mofo...but i dont think imma do well...:-(lots has gone by...senior year is juss going by too fast...been playing badminton on fridays to get ready for the tourney...shiets the forms are due thurs and i havent decided my partners yet :-(. After school on fri me howard stevo, and mike played a lil bball...needless to say...me and mike raped howard and steve bwahahah :-P...howard's too amazing...ergs i miss REAL basketball at cv...it juss isnt the same anymore :-(...senior pictures was crap haha...we didnt do shit but at least we were among friends :-) which is always good...im worried about personal statement but i that's gotta come after sat's. Im thinking of ditching school for a week to study...but might be too extreme. anywayz today i studied some more...like nearly all day...when i work out i leave the garage door open...and this weird mexican lady parked her car and tried to walk in our back door...now that was freaky...she said she went to the wrong house and walked away...erm...ever heard of a doorbell??? luckily i was at my computer when u stopped her car so i knew she was there otherwise she coulda stole something...actually im not even sure if she did or not...hmm freaky...anywayz...went to hang out wit andrew at starbucks and saw linh...(mimi's sis...but who's mimi?! haha...i dont pimp like ho :-P) apparently it was her bday...hmm oh wells...

H [9/26/2002]-[8:11 PM PST]-[Thursday] H
[Jack Johnson - Flake]
:'("in loving memory of the cornerman...":'( yep...im talking about the nice old man who always stands on the corner of serrano and santiago. I never knew the guy, never talked to him once, but when he waved at me, the way he waves to everyone else, i waved back...i always considered him to be mentally inept. I used to see him every day watching, as if waiting for something which is never delivered... when i first saw his "strange" behavior, i ridiculed it out of ignorance, but soon his "strange" behavior was commonplace and no longer strange in my part of the world. I have heard many "stories" about him, even invented a few of my own. I always believed in a romantic version of his existence involving a bereaved son and an accident that left a permanent scar on the man who hid behind his smile and kind demeanor, watching and and guarding the many children who cross the streets to prevent the repetition of history. Even now when my friends tell me that there is a sign with the above words in his stead it seems so surreal, I am not sure whether this is juss another rumor or whether its finally the truth, but i am saddened all the same tho i knew not that man nor his true stories but his daily presence and his unwavering consistency lended me an unexpected comfort at every passing. I knew not this cornerman, I kno not if he's reallie gone, but if this rumor proves true his benign smile will be missed, at least by me. My condolences :-(

H [9/25/2002]-[10:12 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Tupac - California Love]
whew...updated my calendar...anywayz...exciting day...me and linda together for 4 months now :-) to the suprise of everyone...(thx a lot aholes...) haha she forgot it was today and i knew but didnt do anything (well i forgot sorta too...)anyhoo so we even...chris lectured me on what bf's are "supposed" to do...anywayz...still tired as usual...went running with sally, steve, and brian...fun stuff...skared the crap outa each other...actually i think i was the only one skared...ergs...haha :-P...we didnt reallie get much running done...mostly my fault...i had reallie bad cramps...still had fun...tested the via escola route...(2.3 miles...)...imma still "run" it every nite...call me to come join us...juss want to get in shape...skary to run alone haha...actually brian's amazing canine mating calls...are even more skary...actually no...more disturbing than skary...haha sally was funnie...and i thought i run funnie (well i do...)...best person of the nite was john...he drove down the hill to pick up sally and brian in his boxers and it turns out that he had to "go home to work on his essay." hmph...btw yet again i wore cologne stead of deodorant cuz my supply ran out...someone buy me some!

H [9/23/2002]-[3:24 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[TLC - Creep]
Wow...been a while since ive updated...been reallie busy needa type up a goodbye for rob!...basically cuz ive been interact-ive (ha...ha...ha...)...went to beach clean up and that retarded race for the cure...(woke up at 3 in the F*ing morning!)...amazing...the beach clean up was alright...huh out wit linda :-) we had phun! :-)...Bling bagged a christmas tree...took courage!... haha an i helped lug it for nearly a mile back to camp...funness...overall i was juss tired this entire weekend :-(... head splitting yet again...last thurs we played our last game of basketball at CV...its become a tradition...met sum of the greatest people around...reallie gunna miss everyone specially rob, john, scott, and steve... had great times (i even got a going away pres...colin smacked me in my face and my braces cut my mouth up like fishing hooks in tuna) {---eat your heart out mooney! i used a literary device!... i wanna see it continued but not likely...rob was the heart...so ive started up running to fill up the gap...so us nerdy peepz can get sum much needed excercie...basically we running everynight from my house to howard's house...basically 2.73 miles...aint too much...juss to get us ready to run from meats-nohlranch-and up imperial...for me its to get me ready for the badminton tourney and also look good for linda :-P...everyone's WELCOME to come juss call me up! anywayz we continuing to run tonite same time...juss call...its healthy...been told to run for like ever...but im taking seriously finally...my dad's having problems with being overweight...dont wanna end up like that...so imma start excercising early...before i have to excercise. As for today...i ate at jack in the box wit the regulars...ditched linda :-( sorrie!... ergs... gotta catch up wit math hw too... CANT FAIL LYNCH!...

H [9/18/2002]-[10:23 PM PST]-[Wednesday] H
[Linkin Park - Rnw@y]
the ORDEAL! "D0 THE DRU: crazy nite D0 THE DRU: it was a coyote ok Pod689l: we were saved!!!! Pod689l: 8 foot coyote Pod689l: remember... Me: HELP ME!" First off i blame andrew for wanting to run in the first place...! THEN i blame myself for agreeing...then i blame steve for coming 5 min late so we'd juss happen to be "there"... Lolz...i dont care if we gunna be the laughing stock of our nerdy worlds...lolz...but here's the truth...Its all started when...erm...a RABID WOLF WITH 3 inch fangs jumped us...we fought back...but it was too MUCH!...so we had to fall back...to take cover and erm...regroup... *hmmpH* ...ergs...ok ok...we were running (me, stevo, and dru met up at my house)(note andrew was last :-P)...hahaha...jkjk...the plan was to run down meats to nohl ranch than back up imperial...by the time we hit meats...everyone but steve...namely...me and dru...nearly died already but we kept running under steve's relentless "whip"...we manage to make it to that mormon church...(lakeview where chris used to live...)...and dru spotted a UFO minus the flying (un-identified object) in front of us...assuming i knew everything as usual (hehe ho...) I yelled "COYOTE!"...haha but to my credit...i said dont run...but before i could even finish my sentence steve was like 10 yards ahead of us in the opposite direction...not far behind him was andrew...faithless bastards :-P hehe...we ran for a lil bit and we looked back and it still followed us...i was in the back (OBVIOUSLY to protect our flank!) lolz...we kept running till we were near Mimi's house...and then i assumed steve knew where he was going but he turned left stead of right and managed to turn into a dead end...WE WERE CORNERED!...SO WE DECIDED TO MAKE OUR LAST STAND!...haha we juss picked a random house and ran for our lives and luckily this very nice lady lent us her phone (her daughter goes to canyon, luckily there werent no hate hehe)...she offered us a ride home, but we thought that we asked for enough after all three sweaty asian kids at 10:00 at nite...hmm...we were lucky to not have a shotgun in our faces...anyhoo...we called up chris and reluctantly (he thought we were prank calling) he came to "rescue" us...turns out the "coyote" was juss a stray dog...and while we were waiting to get "rescued"...it came up licked andrew's hand and walked away...sadness lolz...like i said we're gunna be laughed at for long time...when we ran away from that dog/physical-manifestation-of-the-devil...we left our manhoods behind i think...we're juss wusses at heart...no amount of working out is gunna change that im afraid :-(...if john was wit us...he take of his shoes and tackle it...but sadly...we failed...anyhoo chris came and took us home to end a nite to remember...my only regret was not making Ho come wit us...haha...that woulda been exciting...haha! :-)

H [9/17/2002]-[8:39 PM PST]-[Tuesday] H
[Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away]
had another amazing day...siddy test was easy cept the last matchin part...sad that i missed atman...considering it was mentioned everywhere...*slaps self*...damn need more sleep...im failing mr lynch!...one day behind on math homework...ill catch up...i refuse to let lynch dawg down!...and this year wont resort to cheating...i hope...cheat sober for 4 months :-)!...anywayz...haha i stayed behind today stead of eating wit our "afta skoo kroo", i hung out in hunt's wit michael...talked about life (its private :-))...of course real reason i stayed behind was to meet up wit linda...haha had too much fun...i missed all rides...almost...haha sadness...3:15 before i set out to search for a ride :-(...john being an awesome friend waited with no avail for a FULL 5 min!...haha but i was late 30 min so mai fault :-( hehe...anywayz...went home worked on hw...and MORE basketball!!! sprained my right ankle too hehe...in addition to my left one :-(...now imma jump 2 inches less again ...:-(...damn ill never be able to dunk at this rate :-(!!! TOOK FIRST PICTURE IN PHOTO! IT WAS TERRIBLE BUT AT LEAST I GOT SOMETHING!!! (hehe linda..) BTW AHH history current events test!!! AH!... BTW thx howard for beating my ass down for the MaW nominations haha couldnt go anywayz ! :-) (even tho i secretly hate u :-P)

H [9/16/2002]-[10:30 PM PST]-[Monday] H
[Gorillaz - 19-2000 Soulchild Remix]
yet another not so exciting day...LINDA...quit convincing me to goto homecoming wit another girl!...not gunna work...i think...btw...showed andrew my work out routine...he aint very impressed bwahaha...oh wells...anyone up for sum running tell me cuz we gunna start wed i think...tomorrow is basketball again :-)...denno time yet...but cv still...could be last game before the UC peepz leave (NOO Rob!)...AHH! Pyramids special was very disappointing. :-( all that work juss to find another door...so pointless... BTW i loved Siddy too! it had juss the rite blend of "excitement" and sum deep soul searchin' Basketball @ CV 5 pm...! btw plz dont nominate me for MaW's nominations...i hate losing everytime :-P...plus im not even going! i dont think...unless linda...grr haha...and quit pushing me to go still!!! btw...ill take angela's advice and stop fast food ...erm food...skinny bois dont do junk food...so dang nabbit... BTW currently...HOWARD and STEVE need a date to HOMECOMING...girls watch for these two "fine specimens of mankind"...(too panzy to ask a girl so waiting for a girl to ask...haha..gl...so im upping their chances...to a full .00009%)...SO GET THEM WHILE THEY STILL PRICKS!